“My heart? Yes, Haylee. I’m most definitely leaving it with you.”
I laughed. “I don’t think I’ll have much use for cooking supplies, Luke. Wouldn’t it be better to give those to—”
“To who, Haylee?” he asked. “You’re the only one I want to give them to. Besides, you’re going to need them for cooking on Sunday.”
“What?” I gaped at Luke, not sure I’d heard him right. Or that I understood him correctly. “Sunday’s cooking is for the family. It’s your family time.”
“Red Cheeks,” Luke said, his voice sounding gravelly. “As far as my heart is concerned, you are family. I don’t want to cook without you.”
“I’m horrible at it,” I admitted gingerly.
“You’ll learn.”
I bit my lower lip, staring at the box. It was very sweet of him to leave hisheartwith me. He loved cooking; it was part of him just like dancing was part of me. I’d enjoyed being in the kitchen with him, but we both knew he’d been doing most of the cooking while I watched. I’d been content just watching.
“Red Cheeks,” Luke murmured when I’d been quiet for too long. “It was wrong of me to assume you would like to cook with me on Sundays. I’m sorry. We can do something else.”
My heart dropped at the controlled expression on his face. He was keeping the disappointment at bay. Or hurt? He’d offered me something he held precious, and I’d just spat on the gesture. It was equivalent to Luke placing his heart at my feet and me stumbling on it and crushing it as I fell. Ihadstumbled.
“No. No, Luke, it’s fine. I didn’t expect it, but we can try. I will try.”
“You don’t have to.” His arm snaked around my back and pulled me to his chest. His other hand smoothed at my hair as he leaned in close enough that our foreheads touched. “I’ll take whatever you can give me, Haylee.”
“No, I want to.” My throat hurt, and the words came out pathetic, weak. I tried again. “Luca, I want to try it for you. It means a lot to you.” I’ll just stumble my way through it. It’ll be fine.
“We can start with something simple,” he suggested, his breath brushing my lips.
“That would help.”
Luke closed the distance between us in a barely-there kiss that left my lips tingling. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Let me take this upstairs for you.”
I laid in bed that night, thrashing and turning while my stomach did somersaults and hollowed out and filled with warmth and cold ice all at once. An intricate dance to be sure, but I couldn’t get it to still, and I wasn’t able to sleep through the turmoil.
Nothing had gone the way I wanted it to. How come I was so awful at relationships? I couldn’t express myself properly, let alone tell Luke what I wanted without getting embarrassed about it. We’d never finished what we’d started on his kitchen counter before Glen’s interruption. After the way I’d reacted to his cooking suggestion I hadn’t been able to share that I would’ve liked to stay the night.
He was leaving. We hadn’t even—and he was leaving! And the next time I’d see him was eight months away. What if the distance would drift us apart? Why would he wait this long for me, anyway? It’s not like I’d given him anything incredible worth waiting for. I’d been a fumbling mess for at least half of our interactions. He might find it endearing now, but the more time passed by the more he’d come to see it wasn’t love he’d felt. Then what?
Maybe that’s why he hadn’t asked me to stay. He didn’t want to ruin me in case the distance would tear us apart. Luke would be considerate like that. But he’d bought me a plane ticket. He’d spent so much money on it. Surely, that meant he was serious in wanting to make it work, long distance and all. Surely, we could survive eight months apart.
Eight months! I was already battling with confidence. How was I going to survive eight months like this?
After several more twists and turns, I pushed off the mattress and tiptoed out of my room, clutching only my phone and my keys in my hands. I couldn’t stop to think about this or I’d flee back to my room, so I shuffled downstairs to the tenth floor, typingI can’t sleepto Luke before I reached his door and stood behind it awkwardly. Okay, I should’ve perhaps thought a little about this. He might be able to sleep just fine. I might be the only one struggling.
Relax. Haylee, just relax. And maybe go back up. Yeah. Just go back to bed.
The phone vibrated between my fingers, and I dropped my gaze on it.
Luke:Me neither.
Fuck it. I knocked on his door, holding my breath until he opened it, standing on the other side in grey joggers and nothing else. My eyes trailed up his bare chest to his face as he roamed across my jammies. The very same ones he’d seen me in before. I should’ve changed into something else. It was too late now.
“Cute,” he murmured, lips twitching.
“Hi,” I blurted, my cheeks heating up when his eyes met mine, and he wet his lips. I gripped my phone tighter. “I was... ugh... wondering if I could sleep here tonight.”
“La mia casa è la tua.”
I blinked.
