“But you’re leaving.” She hiccuped adorably, and I squeezed her tighter in my arms.
“I don’t want to go.”
I had no idea I’d want to stay this badly until I started spending all my evenings with Haylee. I figured leaving would be hard, but getting to know her proved to me just how hard it was going to be. Her crying was absolutely devastating, further breaking my resolve.
“But you will go,” she said quietly.
I swallowed. “I have the plane ticket.”
Haylee nodded and pulled away from me. I released her with a heavy heart. “Were you going to tell me?”
It would’ve been better if she was angry, if her question was biting. I could have dealt with that. But she asked it quietly, her voice hitching. It outright wrecked me.
“I was working up the courage.”
I know I should’ve said it from the get go. I knew I was leaving before Haylee was even ready to step into a relationship. I knew it before I kissed her. From the very start. I should’ve put a stop to this and told her we were likely not going to work out, not because I didn’t want her, but because I would be across the ocean. In a week. In only a week.
“You are the bravest person I know,” Haylee whispered.
Meaning: How come I didn’t have the courage to tell her I was leaving? She was right, of course. Not telling her was one of the dumbest things I could’ve done, but I wasn’t lying when I said time got away from me. It moved too fast. I hadn’t realized I’d be gonethissoon.
I rubbed my face. This was not the way love was supposed to go. Yet somehow, I always ended up here, on the side where bliss turned sour. Falling always ended with a crash and broken limbs.
“I need to go.” Haylee wiped her hands in her skirt and began backing away again.
“Please, don’t go,” I begged. “We can talk about this. Please. I don’t want to lose you. I love you. Haylee, I love you.”
She stopped. “Would you stay if I asked you to?”
I should’ve said yes in a heartbeat. It was the only right answer, but I hesitated. I’d be starting a new project back home. I’d signed that contract before I even knew Haylee. My rental agreement would end together with my employment in Lewis & Walker Law Group, so would my visa. None of it changed how much I wished I could stay.
“Anything.” Haylee sniffed. “You said anything I asked.”
“I want to stay. I want it more than anything.”
“But you won’t.”
It hurt to see her like this. Her shoulders slumped, resigned. Tears running down her face. It had been raining endlessly this week, but no downpour ever hit me this hard. In fact, after Thursday, I’d looked at the rain with a new appreciation. Not today.
“Can I please come and hug you?” I asked.
Haylee didn’t reply, but she didn’t move away when I approached her either. I stopped in front of her, wiping tears from her cheeks. She didn’t react at all. It’s as if she was building a wall, and with every brick, her resolve hardened, and a bit of numbness replaced the hurt splayed all over her face.
I pulled her into my arms gently. She sighed and leaned into me.
“I love you,” I repeated. I couldn’t seem to stop now that I’d said it. I needed her to understand.
“What was this all for, Luke?”
I kissed the top of her head, smelling the now familiar coconut. “You are so special, Haylee.”
“Why did you do this to me?”
I squeezed her tighter to me as my vision blurred. “We can make it work.”
“I fell for it,” she whispered. “Somehow I always do.”
“I am not playing,” I said tightly. “I love you. We can make it work. Haylee, we can. If you want, please, listen to me. I want to give you everything, but I need to go back to Colorado. My lease is expiring, and I have a project there—Haylee?”
