Page 88 of Lucifer's Mirror
“Not all change is bad.”
She rests her head on her knees, looking so lost that I search for some way to comfort her, which is totally new for me. Of course, I come up blank because I’ve never comforted anyone before.
“It feels like he’s left me, like he’s already gone. God, I’m pathetic. He’s got every right to go. I’m such a selfish person, but I have so few people in my life that I can’t bear to lose one of them.”
I don’t move, just stand there while she collects herself. Finally, she takes a few deep breaths. “Sorry. I’ll be fine.” She sits up straight and puts her shoulders back.
Some expression flits across her face. “Look at me moaning about losing Zayne when he’s still alive,” she says. “And your brother is dead. I’m sorry about Khendril.”
“Me too,” I say. But I realize that some of the bitterness has left me. I don’t know who Amber is or what her role will be, but Khendril believed in her. I blow out my breath and cross the space between us, then sink to the mossy ground beside her. “Why didn’t you pretend?” I ask.
“Pretend what?”
“That you wanted Zayne to get him to stay. If he thought you wanted him that way, then there’s nothing that could make him leave. Certainly not me.”
Shock flares in her face. Obviously, it had never occurred to her.
“I couldn’t do that. It’s wrong.” She thinks for a moment. “Would you have lied to Khendril?”
“Maybe. But I didn’t get to make that choice.” Okay, maybe the bitterness isn’t entirely gone. “He didn’t even say goodbye. He was just there, and then he was gone.”
“You don’t think I’m worth Khendril’s life, do you? I bet you keep asking yourself why he did it. Why he gave up his life for someone like me?”
I snort. “Someone like you? I don’t think any of us really understand what that is yet. Or maybe Hecate does, but she’s keeping quiet. Anyway, at the start, perhaps I thought that way. Now, no, I’m not so sure. I presume he had good reasons, or at least thought he did.”
“Do you hate me?”
It’s not a simple question. “Sometimes. It would be easier if I could hate you all the time. But I don’t. However much I try, I can’t do it. The truth is, I’m not sure how I feel.” I look her in the eyes, and desire stirs deep down inside me. “Actually,” I continue, “that’s a lie. I want you. I suspect you know that, but I also know that it’s not going to happen, for so many reasons.”
I see the shock again. I don’t know why. She’s speechless for a minute. She blinks and stares and blinks again. I let out a low laugh, but I’m not really amused. “You have no fucking clue,” I mutter. “And that’s maybe the main reason why it’s never going to happen, why it would be a monumental mistake. Why couldn’t you be ten years older?”
“I’m nineteen,” she says. “I mean, I could actually be older than that… And anyway, that’s not so young.” She frowns. “You’re hardly an old man.”
Is she trying to convince me that it wouldn’t be a fucking bad idea. She’s playing with fire.
I glance away, hoping to hell that my expression won’t give anything away. “I’m ancient compared to you. I’ve seen things, done things, you can’t even imagine.”
She raises a brow. “So you want to kiss me?”
I shake my head. “So fucking young. No, I don’t want to kiss you. Though you do owe me another kiss.” I stare into her eyes and allow a little of what I’m feeling to show through. “What I want to do is toss you down on the ground and fuck you senseless, till we both forget that it’s a fucking terrible idea.”
She licks her lips, then swallows. Neither of us moves.
“I think I told you not to look at me like that,” I growl. My nostrils flare. “I can smell you,” I murmur. Sweet and sultry, like honey and jasmine on a hot summer night. My dick hardens and Fury rumbles inside me.
“Ugh,” she says. But she doesn’t move away.
We stare at each other.
I want her. I’ve been trying to pretend that any feelings for her are Fury’s, but it’s not true.
She seems to be carrying out some sort of internal argument. No doubt any stunted sense of self-preservation she does possess is screaming at her to back away. Instead, she leans toward me, filling my nostrils with her sweet scent. Her hand reaches out and touches my chest.
“Just one kiss,” I say. “You do owe me.”
I reach for her, clasp her shoulders, and lower my head. The kiss is hard, no gentleness, but her mouth opens beneath mine and my tongue pushes inside, tasting her, filling her. And in one second, I’m hot and hard.
Her tongue glides against mine and her arms slide around my neck, pulling me closer. I lose myself in the scent, taste, and feel of her.
