Page 106 of Lucifer's Mirror
I go over the conversation. She’d said there are “things” only I know. As in more than one. I know there’s the location of the mirror, but what else? “Can you just tell me what other things I need to remember? Just a hint?”
I must sound desperate because she considers it, obviously searching for something that won’t send me running for the hills. “How to raise your magic,” she says.
I stare at her for what seems like an age. “I have magic? Why didn’t you tell me?”
A brief smile flickers across her face. “I thought you would have figured that out for yourself by now. You’re Astrali, after all.”
“Do all the Astrali women have magic?”
“While all the purebred females have magic, it’s rare in the males and even in the females, it can be insubstantial. But I believe you are the strongest to be born in living memory.”
I sit down on the grass because my legs are weak. I hug my knees while I accept the truth I’ve been avoiding. I’m not human. It’s one of the many things I’ve pushed to the back of my mind and told myself I’d think about later. Now I force myself to face it.
I’m not freaking human. I’m Astrali, like Khaosti. And Hecate.
So if I’m Astrali, does that make me a goddess? What would Zayne say to that? I snort at the idea. Sorry, but no one is ever going to convince me I’m a deity!
“Why didn’t you tell me about the magic sooner?”
“There was no point until you got your memories back. Magic is different for each of us,” Hecate says. “It awakens at some point after our twelfth birthday, although it’s inside us at birth. You were sixteen when we lost you, and your magic still hadn’t awoken. I would have come to you when it did, helped you learn how to bring it forth, control it. But I can’t tell you how it will be for you because everyone has their own journey. Only you will know that.”
At least she’s telling me something. That thought must show on my face.
“This isn’t specific to you. Which means my telling you shouldn’t hinder your memory return.”
“Why not tell me earlier?”
“I sayshouldn’t, but I don’t know for sure.” She throws up her hands in obvious frustration. “You’re not the only one in the dark here, Amber. This is new to me. But while there are no absolutes, every bit of knowledge and intuition I possess screams that you have to do this yourself.” She closes her eyes for a moment and breathes deeply. “The truth is—I’m getting desperate. We can’t hold out indefinitely. And I’m afraid now that Khronus knows your whereabouts, we will be attacked on all sides.”
“Does Khronus know who I am?”
“No.” She looks away for a second, her expression shadowed. “But maybe he suspects.”
Perhaps I should go with Khaosti to see his father. Maybe he’ll tell me more than Hecate.
She must guess at the thoughts running through my head, because she says, “If he ever confirms your identity, he will kill you without a second thought.”
Great. Little Ms. Popular, that’s me. Maybe she’s just saying that so I won’t go. But I don’t really believe that. I trust Hecate.
She reaches out and rests a hand on my shoulder. “You must want to remember with all your heart.”
“I do. It’s all I’ve thought about for the last three years.”
“No. There’s a part of you that fears what you might remember—that you won’t like what you find. The person you were. But you must have faith in yourself. You know deep down who you are and who you want to be. Your memories can’t change that. Trust yourself, Amber.”
I want to argue that I do trust myself. But her words strike a chord deep inside me. I’ve always had a nagging doubt that there must be something seriously wrong with me. Otherwise, why did no one come for me? Why did no one want me back? Now I know there were reasons, but that doubt has become an integral part of me. I can’t seem to let it go.
She squeezes my shoulder and then steps back. “I must leave you now and do what I can to strengthen the wards.”
With a nod, she walks away, leaving me sitting on the grass. I rub my forehead, then I lie back and close my eyes.
I’m not a princess, but maybe I am a freaking goddess? I snigger. Nope. Someone got that very wrong.
But I’m also a witch.
Who can’t remember how to do any magic. Great.
“Amber.”
