An image of Phil lodged in Thea’s brain. His easy, open face. The crinkles at the corners of his eyes and his belly laugh. She’d loved him so much. Loved his happy-go-lucky nature. His optimism, his refusal to do what anyone expected of him. She could never replace him. Thea took her daughter’s hands. “Ammy, sometimes you find just one special person in the world. Someone who truly makes you happy.”
“But Felix makes you happy. You smile at him when you think nobody is looking. Lucas told me his dad talks about you all the time. And he makes great omelettes.”
The corners of Thea’s mouth trembled. Damn, everything with kids was so black and white. Yes, Felix made great omelettes. Not only that, he was more than financially stable, was in love with her, and could melt her knickers with just agrowl. But he wasn’t Phil, and she couldn’t put Ammy through any more upset.
“I don’t want you to be sad for me. I’m fine.” Thea tucked a stray curl behind her daughter’s ear.
Ammy sniffed and slid off her chair, heading towards the door with a grim expression on her face.
“Where are you going, young lady?”
Ammy stopped in the doorway. “I’m going to get my bucket and spade. I’ve got mud pies to make.”
Thea’s heart pulled yet again. Ammy always made mud pies to cheer people up. She’d made a ton for Josh and Kitty when it seemed they’d never get together, and now it looked like she’d get a delivery herself.
40
THEA
Thea stood in the middle of the food shed, hot tears of frustration pricking in her eyes. It had been quite the morning. She’d dropped Ammy at school, successfully avoided bumping into Felix, and picked up one of Holly’s doughnuts and a steaming hot latte. But with Kitty almost entirely out of action and her scattered mental state, she’d just fed the rabbits a mixture of goose pellets and cat litter. She wasn’t sure if even Josh could cope with a wave of constipated ducks in his tiny practice.
And to make matters worse, she hadn’t stored the sacks away correctly, and mice had got at them. They’d chewed large holes in the bags, and the minute Thea had picked one up, it’d perforated under the weight of the food and now lay in a pool around her feet.
The situation she found herself in was an apt analogy to her current life. She’d sampled a world that she didn’t belong in, had taken one satisfying nibble. Then everything had collapsed in a heap around her.
She sniffed and wiped away a big tear that made it past her eyelashes. Since Ammy’s bid for a better life and Netflix, Thea’severy thought had been of Felix. Felix and her entwined in his bed. Felix and her at the chocolate fountain when they’d hardly known each other, his hand on her boob. The excitement she’d felt on her way to his hotel and his look of devastation when she broke their kiss yesterday.
And there was Ammy worrying about her happiness. She’d lined up a row of mud pies on the wall for her yesterday, decorated with spring flowers and little pebbles.
Thea’s gritty eyes ached, but as she rubbed them with her fists, a voice startled her.
“T, are you okay?”
Thea smiled. “Yes, little brother. I’m perfectly fine. Nothing that a good tub of ice cream and a bucket-sized margarita won’t cure.”
When she removed her hands from her eyes, Josh’s handsome face swum into focus. He wore a frown and had his hands on his hips, clearly not believing her.
“Are you sure? I mean, you don’t look fine.”
“Oh, charming!” He was probably right, though. She’d noticed the dark circles under her eyes as she’d cleaned her teeth this morning, and the hollowing of her cheeks reflected the gnawing nausea that wouldn’t leave.
“I just mean that you look a bit tired, and the shed resembles a kiddie’s ball pit.”
Thea looked down at her feet. She’d ground some pellets into dust, and the evidence coated the toes of her boots. She groaned. “Please don’t tell Kitty. She’ll be up here, being all efficient and tidying up before you know it.”
Josh snickered. “I don’t think she’s going anywhere voluntarily. She’s taken to spending a lot of time in bed, munching on M&M’s and has a perpetually blue tongue.”
Thea giggled.
“Are you sure you’re okay, though? I may not be up to dateon your personal life, but I’m not blind. Nor is Kitty. We’re worried about you.”
She sighed and ran her hands through her knotty hair, tethering it up in her usual scrunchie. She’d taken the green one that Felix had worn out of rotation now, keeping it under her pillow, along with the blue shirt he’d lent to her at the dinner dance.
“Like I say, I’m okay. I just need to get a little distance from this place. I need to get out of my brain.”
The corners of Josh’s mouth ticked up. “I know just the thing.”
41
