"Yes, you did." She stands abruptly, settling Tommy against her hip. "You meant exactly what you said. That I'm making the same mistakes Emma made. That I'm too stubborn and independent for my own good."
"That's not what I said."
"It's what you meant." There are tears in her eyes now, but her voice is steady. "And maybe you're right. Maybe I am too much like Emma. Maybe I am too damaged to be a good wife."
"Don't put words in my mouth." I stand too, needing to close the distance between us. "Lisa, you're nothing like... what happened with Emma and Derek is completely different."
"Is it? Because from where I'm standing, it looks like I married a man who wants to make all my decisions for me. Who thinks I'm too emotional and reckless to handle my own problems."
"That's not true."
"Isn't it?" She backs toward the door, and the movement feels like she's running away from more than just this conversation. "You've been patient with me, Sawyer, but I can see it wearing thin. I can see you getting frustrated with my fears, my need to control things, my inability to just trust and let you handle everything."
The accusation hits too close to home because there's a grain of truth in it. I have been frustrated with her fears, her walls, her determination to carry every burden alone. But not because I think she's weak or damaged.
Because I care about her too much to watch her suffer when I could take the weight.
"Rebecca," I say without taking my eyes off Lisa. "Could you give us a moment?"
"Of course. I'll be right outside." Rebecca slips out of the office, closing the door behind her.
Lisa and I stare at each other across the expensive carpet, the air between us crackling with hurt and misunderstanding.
"This isn't about Emma," I say finally. "This is about you being scared that caring about me means losing yourself."
"Maybe it does."
"It doesn't. Lisa, I love your strength, your independence, your refusal to back down from a fight. Why would I want to change the things that make you who you are?"
"Because it's easier. Because having a wife who follows orders and doesn't ask questions would make your life simpler."
"Fuck simple." The curse explodes out of me with enough force to make Tommy startle. "I don't want simple. I want you. Complicated, stubborn, fierce, incredible you."
She's crying now, silent tears that track down her cheeks while she holds my nephew against her chest like a shield.
"I don't know how to do this," she whispers. "I don't know how to be married, how to share decisions, how to trust that you won't get tired of my baggage and leave."
"You think I don't have baggage? You think twenty-three years of wearing this badge, of seeing the worst people can do to each other, doesn't leave marks?" I take a step closer, slowly, like I'm approaching a wounded animal. "Lisa, we're both damaged.We're both carrying scars. But that doesn't mean we can't build something beautiful together."
"Derek said..." She stops, shakes her head.
"Derek said what?"
"He said that you only married me out of pity. That a man like you, with your reputation and your standing in the community, could have any woman he wanted. That the only reason you'd choose someone with my... complications... is if you felt sorry for me."
The words send angry flaring hot in my gut, and suddenly everything makes sense. Lisa's fears this morning, her determination to handle Derek alone, her certainty that I'm going to leave.
Derek Morrison poisoned her against me before we even had a chance to build something real.
"Lisa, look at me." I wait until her green eyes meet mine. "Derek Morrison is a manipulative bastard who gets his power from making people doubt themselves. Everything he said to you was designed to hurt you, to make you question what we have."
"But what if he's right? What if..."
"He's not." I close the remaining distance between us, cup her face gently in my hands. "I need you to really hear me right now. I have never, not once in my entire life, done anything out of pity. I'm too damned selfish for that. Everything I do, I do because I want it."
"Sawyer..."
"I want you, Lisa. Not because I feel sorry for you, not because you need protecting, not because it's the right thing to do. I want you because you make me laugh, because you challenge me, because you're brave enough to stand up to me when I'm being an ass."
