She could feel herself sliding down a slippery, toxic rabbit hole of disappointment, bitterness and jealousy, and feared she would never find her way back.
The chapel clock was chiming eight by the time Lucy arrived at Blue Lagoon Cove, dressed in her new, floaty, low-necked maxi dress. It did wonderful things for her figure. So what if there was no handsome dinner date on her arm to compliment her?
Blinking back tears, she followed the hurricane lanterns through the powdery sand to the table set for one. A garland of tiny purple- and peach-coloured flowers was draped across the lace tablecloth, and a votive candle flickered, its light reflected in the silver ice bucket, in which rested a bottle of Laurent-Perrier.
No sooner had she sat down than the waiter appeared, popped open the champagne, filled her glass and took her order.
Lucy looked out to sea and toasted her future as a single woman – wherever that might lead.
She didn’t know how to be in the world without Stewart, but what choice did she have? One thing was certain: she couldn’t go back to the life they’d had.
As for teaching, she was good at her job and was well liked by her pupils and colleagues, but after seventeen years, if she was honest, her life had become like Groundhog Day.
She’d laughed in the staffroom with her single colleagues as they regaled her with horror stories of online dating, heaving an inner sigh of relief that she would never have to subject herself to Tinder,Bumble or Plenty of Fish. But had she been too in love with theideaof getting married to stop and ask herself if she and Stewart were truly compatible? She loved him, but was shein lovewith him? Had they stayed together through habit, fear of being alone, fear of the unknown?
As she sat there, sipping champagne, wiggling her painted toes in the sand and watching the sun go down, tears overwhelmed her; tears of sadness at knowing she must let go of the past, mixed with a feeling of not being enough, and yes, some resentment at all those wasted years.
The church bells fell silent. A hush descended over the congregation. A lone piper, playing ‘Highland Cathedral’ led the procession to the altar.
The kilted groom turned around. The bride let out a glass-shattering scream. He had no face…
Lucy’s eyes flew open. Her heart was pounding, her pulse racing, her pillow damp with tears.
She peered at her phone through the darkness. Four in the morning. She willed the time to speed up. Another two whole days until she could escape and go home.
She felt a pang of shame for wishing the time away. How many people would jump at the chance of being on an all-expenses-paid trip to paradise?
But happiness isn’t all about exotic locations and sunshine, is it? She’d felt perfectly content sitting on a wobbly stool in the cold, grey drizzle by the banks of the River Doon, handing Stewart soggy sandwiches and cups of stewed tea while he fished.
A wave of homesickness washed over her. More tears dribbled down her freckled cheeks.
She was tempted to spend the day in bed, wallowing in serious self-pity.
But what right did she have to feel such despair?
She wasn’t terminally ill, a refugee fleeing her war-torn country, or a soldier fighting for her family’s freedom.
Pull yourself together, Lucy!
She closed her eyes, breathing in and out in time with the gentle tide. Her pulse rate gradually slowed, her whirring mind eased.
Her parents’ house was situated opposite Greenan Beach. It had been her happy place since childhood. By the sea was where she felt most at ease with the world – and with herself.
She staggered out of bed and headed towards the shore.
The cool sand soothed her bare feet. A light wind caressed her inflamed cheeks. The energy from the waves, the stars and the silence made her weary body feel buoyant, like she was floating.
She focused on her breath, the rhythm of the tide, the shifting of her weight as she lifted each foot, placing it down, heel first.
On she went. The path ran up a steep hill. By the time she reached the top, slashes of coral and peach were starting to slowly seep across the sky as the sun began its ascent, welcoming in a new day.
She realised she wasn’t crying anymore. Her heart felt lighter. She suspected the feeling would be short-lived, but for the first time in days, she no longer felt gripped by sadness and despair.
Lucy drew a deep breath and strode into the dining room, both hands tightly clutching her book to her chest.
She heaved a sigh of relief. She’d made it to her table for one without any pitying sideways glances or furtive whispers from behind menus.
She ran her freshly painted fingernail down the fancy menu. All she really wanted was comfort food; a cheeseburger and fries would be perfect.
