No greeting at all, just, “Where’s Drew?”
Tse smiles, and glances up at the clock. “Right now he’s looking at a car with one of my brothers.”
Okay.What?Looking at a car is more important than me?
“Hey, I can see your mind working. We’ve got things to catch up on, things I need to explain. There’s not much time. Drew’s fine, okay? Let’s get that sorted now.” He seems to wait for my nod, then carries on. “What about you? How are you doing?”
“I just want to breathe fresh air, Tse. I’m suffocating in here.” I hadn’t meant for it to come out. I meant to stay strong and would have in front of my brother. But seeing Tse, it all comes out. How I want to be able to walk out of here with him.
“I know, darlin’, I know.” Tse’s voice reflects my pain. His hands flutter on the table as if he wants to be doing something. I zip my mouth to stop further complaints coming out, he doesn’t deserve to hear them. I’m not in here because of anything he’s done, I’m just envying the fact he’s free.
He’s watching me closely. I wonder whether he’s seeing the weight I’ve lost, how my hair has lost its shine.
I wait for him to comment, he doesn’t. Instead he says something I don’t expect. “I’ve brought Drew to live with me.”
“I thought you lived on the biker compound.” My eyes open wide.
He holds up his hand. “Going to the Rez was always temporary. And the compound isn’t what you’re imagining. Lots of the brothers have ol’ ladies and kids, it’s mostly got a family vibe. When it hasn’t, I’ll make sure Drew’s well out of the way. He’s got his own suite, Mariana, bathroom all to himself. Kid’s loving it.”
My eyes open wider.I’m sure he is.
Tse continues, “I, or one of my brothers, am making sure he gets to school. It’s better for him there. Though he loved his time on the Rez, it was strange for him. I wanted him close to me. He wanted to come today, Mariana, I assure you, but I found something to distract him. I needed to talk to you about some stuff, and it’s better if it’s just between us.”
I still can’t get my head around my brother living on an outlaw biker compound. But at least Tse’s looking out for him. Whatever arrangements he makes for Drew, I’m in no position to object.
“First,” he takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolds it. A guard comes over, checks what’s on it, and nods. Tse takes it back, but pauses before passing it to me.
I take a second to read it, my jaw dropping open as I do. It’s a legal document which will enable my lawyer to get Tse appointed as Drew’s legal guardian.
“He doesn’t need you. He’s got me,” I tell him fiercely.
With compassion in his eyes, Tse starts to explain. “This doesn’t mean anything, Mariana, but it will make things easier for Drew. He can get his driver’s permit…”
“He, we, can’t afford a car,” I hiss. It’s out of the question. Especially as mine was wrecked.Not that I’m ever likely to be driving in Arizona again.
“I can. I’m buying him one. Just a little run-around that he can use to get to school and back. I, and my brothers, will be his accompanying drivers until he’s been driving six months.”
“I can’t ask you to do that.” I’m torn. It should have been my job. Drew would be over the moon to learn to drive. Should I hold him back? Is it fair? Just because I’m incarcerated doesn’t mean his life should come to a halt too.I don’t want to sign; it feels like I’m abandoning my brother.Then I look at Tse’s intense face, and realise I can do nothing for my brother from here. Can’t keep or get him out of trouble.Perhaps I’m lucky Tse is offering to take him on.
“You’re not asking.” Tse’s brow creases. “Look, Mariana, I know it’s hard for you, fuck knows how difficult it is for you in here. But the uncertainty’s killing Drew too. This gives him something to look forward to. Doesn’t mean he cares about you less, but it’s not good for the kid to be constantly worrying. That’s partly why I’ve got him back to familiarity, and going back to his old school. And why I’ve taken him to the compound instead of leaving him on the Rez.”
He’s making me feel selfish. ButI’mthe one who should be teaching Drew to drive. Not anyone else. I’m not even certain what I feel about his version of normality for my little brother.A compound?
Now he smooths out the paper again. “No one can help Drew get a permit unless someone’s made his legal guardian. Signing this assigns those rights to me.”
I’m really trying hard to process all this. “Have you thought this through? It’s not only getting his driver’s permit. People will be looking to you as the one responsible for him.”
He taps the paper. “I don’t know how long you’ll be in here, Mariana. I know as a kid younger than Drew, you were abandoned and forgotten by the system, but what if someone starts asking questions about your brother? I don’t want to see him put in the system.”
I don’t want to sign him away like you’d part with an unwanted pet. This seems wrong. “Is this all I need to do?”
“You sign, Carissa will sort out the legal details. It’s not something that’s unheard of in here.”
No, it’s probably not. I’ve met a number of women who’ve been separated from their children.
What’s best for Drew?That’s what I’ve got to think of. I can’t see any other option; all I’ve got is Tse. I feel rushed, pressured, but Tse is right. A teacher or social worker might start interfering. I suppose I’d rather he was with this man sitting opposite me than with anyone else. There are tears in my eyes as I find my answer. “I’ll sign.”
Tse signals the guard who, when asked, produces a pen. When Tse mentions something to him, he nods. After I sign Drew away, the guard witnesses my signature, then takes his pen and moves back to his position. Tears blur my eyes as I look up. “Take care of him for me, Tse?”
