We’re silent on the journey back to the clubhouse. Tse parks the truck, kills the engine, then turns to me.
“Mariana.” He holds up my hand, admiring the simple band he put there, and kisses the back of my hand. “My wife.” It may be his reverent tone, or the heated look in his eye, but his touch sends tingles through my body. “Will you move into my room, now?”
My eyes fly to his.Move into his room?
Seeing my consternation, he leans down and murmurs, “Keeping my promise, darlin’. Not going to move this on beforeyou’re ready. Appearance is important, remember? No one needs to know what we do or don’t do behind closed doors.”
He doesn’t straighten, his lips are inches from mine. I hold my breath, wondering if he’s going to kiss me, like he did that one time in Colombia. I’ve tried hard to put it to the back of my mind, but now I’m undecided.If he tries to kiss me again, should I pull away? Respond?A strange shiver runs down my spine, and there’s a throbbing, like an itch I can’t scratch.I’ll let him.
He pulls back, stares at me for a moment, and then states as if it’s a foregone conclusion, “We’ll get your clothes moved later.”
I’m in a state of shock, realising I hadn’t thought through the implications of that hastily spoken ‘yes’ the day before or the vows I took today.
I follow his lead as he goes first into the clubhouse, he walks to the bar and holds up our joined hands. Light reflects off the new gold bands we’re both wearing. Muted congratulations are given and received. A hug for us both from Drew. It’s the least celebrated wedding in history. As Blade gets Tse’s attention, I turn away, a feeling of shame coming over me.Everyone knows this is a sham.
What they don’t know is what’s slowly been creeping up on me. My soul-deep longing that this could be real. For Tse to feel as much for me as I do for him.But surely I’m only feeling gratitude, how could it be anything else?However much I tell myself that, as I sneak a look at the man conversing animatedly with Blade, I know I don’t deserve him.
Tse could have anyone he wanted. In the long term, he’s not going to settle for me. I don’t feel ready to give up my virginity when I believe it would just be meaningless sex for him. It might not even be long before he gets fed up with me not putting out. I’m not blind, I’ve seen the sweet butts, seen thesingle men going off with them. He might have said his vows, but men have needs. Needs I can’t meet.
“So you’ve made an honest man out of Mouse.” Sam, Drummer’s heavily pregnant wife has joined me. She nods at Allie, one of the sweet butts minding the bar tonight, and swiftly has a soda in her hand. “What do you want to drink?”
I’m not even twenty-one, I haven’t tried alcohol before, and having noticed Tse doesn’t drink, have already decided I’ll probably follow his example. “A soda, please.”
Allie smiles as she passes it over. “Congratulations, I didn’t think anyone was going to be good enough for Mouse.” She sounds sincere.
Sam smiles at both her and me. “Not wanting to gossip, but never seen Mouse with a woman before, have we, Allie?”
Allie frowns, “Well, he certainly didn’t take any of us up.”
Interesting. He didn’t go with the women who were available here?I hadn’t realised that.
When Sam indicates a free table, indicating Tse’s conversation with Blade is getting intense as they argue about some bike component or other and its merits, I follow her over. The snippet she just dropped makes me wonder if she’ll give me more information about the man I’m legally married to.
Tse turns, sees me sitting with Sam. Raising his eyebrow, he sends me a silent query. I wave my hand to show he should continue his discussion.I’m fine.He smiles that devastating smile, then his attention’s on Blade once again.
“So, you and Mouse.” Sam nudges me with her arm, her eyes sparkling. “You’ve got yourself a good one there.”
Instead of responding in a like vein, my insecurities come to the fore. I shrug.
Sam’s eyes stare into mine. “Okay, spill. What’s eating you?”
I’ve kept to myself. Never opened up to anyone before. After giving me a shrewd look, she shouts out, “Allie? Bring a couple of shots, will you?”
What?Seeing the smirk on her face, I remind her. “I’m not old enough, and you’re pregnant.”
“No one’s going to give a damn about your age here, Mariana. And I’m not drinking. They’re both for you. Reckon you need to relax.” When Allie puts the drinks on the table, she slides the first across to me. “Now drink. And tell Auntie Sam what the problem is.”
I pick up my glass and take a sip.God. It feels like my throat’s on fire.Under her encouraging eye, I take another.That wasn’t so bad.It’s probably psychological, but I immediately feel light headed.
Sam sits back, her hands resting on her swollen belly. She rubs it, and grins. “Think it’s probably another boy. Wraith will lose his shit if Drum ends up with two boys when his are both girls.”
I’ve noticed Wraith is a good father, loves both his babies. I narrow my eyes.
“Drummer will rib him mercilessly,” she explains. “Bet he’ll be boasting about his male sperm.”
“You don’t know the sex?”
“Nah. Prefer the surprise. Now if it’s a girl, Drummer won’t know what the fuck to do with it.” She laughs. Personally, I don’t think either of them care what they get. Their relationship is something I’d like for myself, but I can’t expect that with the man who married me to keep me safe.
