“Is Kenyatta flying out for your first game? I know you said Simone and Rod were coming.”
A’ja pushed out a small breath. She may as well go ahead and get it over with. “Kenyatta won’t be here for any of my games. I decided last month to get a divorce. We just put our house on the market, and he’s in the process of moving out. I put all of my things in storage before I came here.”
Celine’s face fell. “I’m so sorry, A’ja. I didn’t know.”
“Of course, you didn’t,” A’ja shrugged passively. “It’s fine. I’m still trying to process it. I won’t lie and say it’s easy, but I’m nota total and complete mess. I’m going to be okay.” She loved that she sounded so confident because that damn sure wasn’t how she felt.
Yes, she’d be okay eventually but with the way she felt most days, eventually seemed years away. A’ja longed for the morning that she woke up, and Kenyatta wasn’t the first thing on her mind. The wedding photos that adorned the walls in the foyer of their home. The pictures of them sprinkled throughout the house. All the pictures of them on her social media pages. It hurt like hell to look at them, so she’d destroyed the physical pictures. Pictures that cost thousands of dollars. With the swipe of a finger, him and all of their memories were deleted from social media, but it would be a long time before he was removed from her heart, and that’s what A’ja was having a hard time with. She wished she could stop loving him with the snap of a finger, but she wasn’t built like that.
The day he moved on, she knew it would crush her. She didn’t want to see it. She didn’t want to think about it. A’ja hated that she was being such a pussy, but this shit hurt. It hurt bad. There were days that she didn’t want to get out of bed, but she had to. She had to keep going. To lay down and die because her marriage was over would have been too pathetic of an act to have to explain. So no matter how bad she felt, she got up every day, and she pushed through. Her ring was packed away, and all of her passwords that contained his name had been changed. A’ja wished she could blink and it be a year later, but life didn’t work like that.
“I just want you to know that I’m here if you ever want to talk about it. If you do, I’ll wait for you to bring it up. Other than that, I won’t mention it.”
A’ja’s cheeks lifted with a smile. “I appreciate that, Celine. Talking about it is something that I don’t really like to do, but ifI ever wake up and decide that I’m ready to vent, I’ll keep you in mind.”
Celine nodded as the waitress brought over a basket of bread. A’ja and Celine both loved the bread at the restaurant, and they wasted no time digging in while they waited on their appetizers to come.
“I think this may be my last season with the Lions,” Celine dropped the bomb, and A’ja’s brows hiked up.
“Really? Why?”
“Well for one, you know MJ is older. He understands that this is my job, and he’s okay when I’m away, but I just don’t like having to leave him when the season starts. It feels like I miss too much of his life even if it is only for four months. It’s not exactly a quick flight home, so the times that I can go visit him are limited. Even with him coming for the summer, that’s not going to work anymore, because he wants to go to band camp this year, so he won’t be here. I can’t make him miss the things he wants to do to come to London with me for work. And Marlow and I want three kids. I’m really close to thirty. We need to go ahead and work those other two in there.”
A’ja swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. She hated feeling jealous and bitter. Her plans got derailed, and she didn’t get to plan her baby and work it into her life, but she had to smile and be happy for other people while they did. It wasn’t fucking fair, but Celine was a great mother, and she deserved to have all the kids she wanted.
“Trust me, I get it. It’s different for women. Hell, we’re different from most women because we can’t exactly play basketball during the pregnancy. Being in the WNBA is a great experience, but it’s not everybody’s end game. Marriage, having kids, those are all things that we have to treat a little differently than some women.”
“Yeah, like of course, my money helps. It’s not like Marlow and I don’t enjoy being well off and financially comfortable, but he does well enough that my money isn’t needed. I can leave the WNBA today, and our lifestyle won’t change a bit. He wants me at home having babies and once that’s done, if I want to go back to work or start some kind of business, I can.”
“I wish you much luck and success. I hope you get pregnant as soon as you start trying,” A’ja replied genuinely.
A’ja enjoyed dinner with Celine but as soon as she got in her cab to head back home, tears began to prickle her eyes. She liked her life the way it was and for the life of her, she couldn’t understand why things had to change. Back at her flat, A’ja got ready for bed, and her eyes fell on the pack of birth control pills that was on her dresser. Sometimes, the pills made her a little queasy, so she preferred to take them at night after dinner. A’ja was no longer having sex, so she picked the pack of pills up and tossed them in the trash. Kids. That had been the first source of conflict between her and Kenyatta.
While they were dating, kids were discussed many times, and they both wanted two. A year ago, he suddenly began to say he wasn’t sure if he wanted kids anytime soon, and they could wait another few years. A’ja was past ready for a baby, and she couldn’t understand what had suddenly changed, but every time she tried to communicate and get clarity on issues, Kenyatta acted as if she was getting on his nerves. He looked at communicating as her nagging, and A’ja hated that about him, but she would fall back and leave well enough alone. Which would lead to her holding things in for days or weeks and one day, she’d just explode over something small and be looking like a crazy person. She even suggested therapy, and he said they didn’t need it.
A’ja wasn’t sure what changed. Soon, something as small as communicating like two adults was a challenge for them.Something was changing. Maybe they were simply growing apart, and A’ja didn’t like it. In an effort to save her marriage, she began agreeing to do whatever Kenyatta wanted to do even if it wasn’t what she wanted. Like waiting to have kids. After weeks of arguing over the smallest most trivial shit, she once again suggested therapy and when he refused, A’ja blew up and asked for a divorce. Which she instantly regretted, but he didn’t protest it. In fact, he seemed so okay with it that all A’ja could do was cry. For hours. A divorce wasn’t really what she wanted, but she refused to be the only one fighting for their marriage to work.
How was it fair, that she wouldn’t get to have kids? How was it fair that she wasted years being married to the wrong man? Why did some women get it right and find their soulmate the first go around and women like her had to be tricked? A’ja was so disgusted that she kissed her teeth. With a scowl on her face, she changed into her pajamas and poured herself a glass of wine. She grabbed the remote and curled up on the couch as a lone tear rolled down her cheek. This was now her life. Single at thirty. Some straight up bullshit.
chapter
three
Naasson satin a director’s chair as he watched Deen do his thing on the set. Deen was shooting an urban movie about street life and gang culture in London. The movie was about a group of guys coming up and getting it out the mud, and they had their different love interests. Naasson had only been on set for a few hours, but he knew the movie was going to be a hit. He was glad that he’d invested in the project. Naasson was more relaxed in London than he would have been in the states, but the dark cloud looming over his head was still there. He knew that his life had forever been changed, and Naasson didn’t do well with the unknown. He had thought about it and once Deen left London, would he really want to stay there all alone and start a new life where he didn’t know anyone?
Naasson knew with his new identity, he could go back to the states, he just couldn’t go back to North Carolina, and he’d have to stay out of trouble, so he wouldn’t have to be fingerprinted. Going back to Diamond Cove or anywhere near there where he could be easily recognized was a no no. At this point, going back to the states wouldn’t be too much different than being in London because he’d have to choose a state and go start a new life. He had some family in the A, but Naasson wasn’t reallytrying to live in Atlanta. He didn’t want to go up north either. He didn’t know what in the hell he wanted to do besides going back into the past and erasing the shit he’d done. Naasson thought back to the day that changed his life forever.
“Yo,” he answered the phone for his sister, Kamryn.
“Naa, I hate to bother you with this bullshit, but can you please cash app me $200? I’m at the shop trying to get my car. Last night, Brandon said he was going to come up here with me and pay, and he woke up this morning on some other shit. He’s been spazzing and going off all day. I don’t know what’s wrong with his goofy ass.”
Naasson’s brows furrowed. He always knew there were two sides to a story, and he didn’t like getting into other people’s relationships, but Kamryn was his sister. “That nigga been owing me $400 for the past few weeks. What he doing with his money lately?” he asked concerned. Naasson’s sister had been coming to him more and more for money lately, and that was weird to him because he’d been fronting Brandon dope to sell. He was fronting the man dope, so he could take care of his family.
“I really don’t know, but I think he’s been using something. I just don’t know what. He’s come in the house a few times, and his eyes have been super red. He straight up looks like he’s possessed by the devil, and he’ll pick arguments with me over the smallest thing. After this though, I’m telling him he can’t come back to my house.”
Naasson shook his head. “Aight, I’ll send you the money.”
“Thank you.”
