“What was I supposed to say? You said you wanted a divorce.”
“Okay, so what do you have to say now?” she peered into his face. She still loved him. Love didn’t go away overnight, but she was annoyed. He hadn’t wanted to communicate for months and now, when she was damn near sixty percent over him, here he wanted to come and set her healing process back over small talk. A’ja was more than annoyed.
“I just want to make sure this is really what you want. Once we sign the papers, we are legally divorced. Is this what you want?”
A’ja drew back. “I’m slightly confused. You were the one that contacted the realtor about putting the house on the market. We’ve both packed our things and moved out. You didn’t say one word when you were gathering your things and leaving. But now, you want to check and make sure it’s what I really want?”
Had he asked that question a month ago, she probably would have said hell no. A’ja never really wanted a divorce in the first place. She wanted Kenyatta to fight for her and when he didn’t do that, she was crushed. There had been too many nights of her crying herself to sleep. Too many times she had to sit on a therapist’s couch and talk herself off a ledge just so depression wouldn’t cripple her. Many days, A’ja wanted her phone to ring, and she wanted it to be him saying he didn’t want a divorce. But he said nothing. He let her be miserable day in and day out and when she finally felt like she was seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, he wanted to pop back up like he had it like that.
“I was angry at first, A’ja. I felt like if that was what you wanted, I wouldn’t fight you on it. I felt like if you were willing to throw away years of marriage over nothing, I wasn’t going to stop you.”
A’ja’s brows snapped together, and she jerked her head back. “If I was willing to throw our marriage away overnothing.Wow,” she chuckled sarcastically and clicked her tongue. “I’m sorry to hear that you feel I threw our marriage away over nothing. I wanted to feel secure, loved, and appreciated in a marriage, but I guess that was too much. You didn’t have an ounce of fight in you. You acted as if you couldn’t care less one way or another if I stayed or if I left, and I don’t wish to be with someone like that. I want to feel valued, loved, and seen. So if you think that’s nothing, I will let you continue to think that. But I’m sure I made the right decision. I do want to go forward with the divorce.”
A’ja blinked back tears. She refused to let him see her cry. What in the hell was she crying for anyway? This man had shown her time and time again that he wasn’t the one for her. He wasn’t the worst person in the world, but he wasn’t the man she saw herself spending forever with. A’ja never hesitated to express herself to him, to tell him how much she loved and appreciated him, and to let him know that she was willing to do anything to save their marriage. Meanwhile, he was refusing therapy and telling her he didn’t want to have kids right now. He was acting as if his heart wasn’t in it, and she had too much pride to feel like she was begging anyone to love her the right way.
“I hate that things had to end this way. Despite what you may think, I do love you. I’m sure I will always love you. We ha?”
A’ja pushed her chair back. “Respectfully, Kenyatta, I don’t want to hear it. You could have told me this months ago. None of it really matters anymore. You certainly didn’t have to fly all the way here to say that. I’m not over you. I have no problem admitting that. I’m not in the headspace where I can sit and chat and be buddy buddy with you. I’d like to heal and move on with my life, and me sitting here with you is setting me back. I wish you the best.”
She got up and walked away with a tight chest. Kenyatta flew all the way to London just to irritate her. He had wasted his time and his money. His presence in London was an absolute waste of time. Naasson had gotten in his feelings over this shit? Had he not acted the way he had, A’ja would have been ready to call him over, so she could ride his thick dick until she felt better. If her marriage had taught her anything it was to stop ignoring red flags.
If she went to Naasson and pleaded her case, he just might get out of his feelings but then what? They’d continue to sleep together until the season was over, or they’d sleep together until his movie was wrapped up, and then they’d part ways. Shewasn’t even legally divorced yet, so the fact that she’d already hopped on another dick was insane in her eyes. Yet, she’d done it, and she enjoyed it. A’ja knew it wasn’t long-term, however, so she was going to leave well enough alone. There would be no more getting her hopes up, getting attached to the opposite sex, or fantasizing about a happily ever after. That clearly wasn’t in the cards for her, and she had to be okay with it.
A’ja went back to her flat, showered, and crawled into bed. She’d worked so hard to come out of that dark place, and she had no desire to ever go back in it. But the sadness was tugging at her. It had a hold of her, and it didn’t want to let up. A’ja fought it for as long as she could, and then she erupted into tears. She had a good, long, gut-wrenching cry. A cry that came from the bottom of her soul. Then, she wiped her tears away and closed her eyes. She would sleep the rest of the pain away and when she woke up, it would be a new day. A’ja vowed to herself that this was the very last time ever in her life that she would shed tears over a man and his actions. This would be the last heartbreak that she ever allowed herself to have. Everyone had to go through it at least once, and she was going to make damn sure that this one time would be the first and the last time that she ever let misery take up residence in her life like this.
chapter
eight
Naasson saton the couch bouncing his leg anxiously. It had been eight days since he last saw A’ja, and Disha was on her way to him. She’d contacted him and asked if she could come, and he didn’t feel like he should tell her no. They had history, and he was free to do him. He thought about A’ja every day, and he had almost reached out to her several times, but the thought of her being in her flat having make-up sex with her husband deterred him every time. The last thing Naasson ever wanted to do was play himself.
Naasson’s phone rang, and he stared at the screen shocked to see A’ja’s name. Her call was the last thing he expected. Naasson wasn’t even sure why he cared so much if she got back with her husband. A’ja was cool people, and they had amazing sex, but he didn’t know her like that. If she walked out of his life, it should have made no difference to him, but she was the most interesting woman that he’d come across in a minute. Disha was fine. She was smart, and she was on her way to having a wonderful career. But A’ja played professional basketball. She was athletic, but gorgeous and not too much of a tomboy. A’ja was the perfect mixture of everything. She was the prime example of a woman being a man’s homie and his lover. The factthat they could go out on a dinner date, shoot some hoops after, then have toe curling sex was a win win.
Naasson cleared his throat and answered the phone. “What’s up?”
“Hey,” A’ja replied in a small voice. “I just wanted to call and say hello. I know the last time you left my place you seemed a bit upset, but I just wanted to hear your voice.”
Naasson ran his hand down the front of his face. “I’m sorry about that, A’ja. I guess I was acting like an oversized kid. What you do with your husband is your business. I don’t have a right to feel or act any kind of way about it.”
“He’s still my soon to be ex-husband, Naa,” she explained in a soft tone that had his dick hardening. “His visit here didn’t change anything.”
Naasson hated the sense of relief that he felt. It almost made him feel lame as hell to be that happy that A’ja hadn’t reconciled with her husband. There was a knock at his door, and his eyes closed.Fuck.
“A’ja let me call you back, okay?”
“Okay.”
Naasson stood up and let Disha in. She entered the flat with a wide smile on her face dressed in a yellow sundress and looking genuinely happy to see him. “I can’t believe this man is all the way in London,” she grinned before standing on the tips of her toes to kiss him. “I missed you.”
Naasson placed his hands on her waist. “I missed you too,” he stated and immediately felt bad afterwards.
With all he had going on when he first arrived in London, he hadn’t missed her. He hadn’t really had the time to miss her. Then she got mad and ended things with him, and he got caught up with A’ja. Disha would be in London for three days, and he wouldn’t be able to hit A’ja up the entire time Disha was visiting. He felt it would be disrespectful to both women for him to do so.
When he was in his feelings about A’ja and her ex, Disha coming to town and distracting him with some familiarity seemed like a good idea. Now, he was wishing he had suggested that she remain in North Carolina. But she was here, and he couldn’t do her dirty.
Disha grabbed his hand and led him over to the couch. “This place is so dope. You know it would have been nice if we could have come here and stayed for a week or maybe even two on some romantic get away type shit and not because you’re on the run.”
“I guess,” Naasson mumbled, and Disha held her hands up.
