Page 35 of Reckless Kiss
It was possible I was going to be scarred for life.
* * *
“Mind if I join you?”Hope’s husky voice called from the back door.
I was enjoying a moment of peace on my back deck, looking out at the old oaks and pines that lined my small yard. The crickets were humming as evening approached and I’d found that I looked forward to their nightly music.
“Of course. Grab a chair.” I waved at the matching Adirondack beside me.
“It’s a hell of a party, Leo. What was the occasion?”
Had Jeffry sent her out after me? “No occasion.”
“I enjoy eating your food and watching football on your enormous television as much as the next guy, but you went all out and, call it my news producer instinct, but I feel like there’s a reason.”
She sounded genuinely curious. Maybe Jeffry hadn’t sent her after all.
“I wanted to have a nice afternoon.”
“It was very nice.” She sat quietly, and then, “Jeff said you were okay with us dating. You mean it, right?”
I took her hand in mine and gave it a comforting squeeze. “I’m thrilled, Hope. I think you two will be good for each other. Just maybe, don’t forget about me?”
“We wouldn’t dare. It’s just that early stage where everything is so new and exciting and...I don’t know...right.We want to spend every moment we can together because there’s no one else we’d rather be with. Even you.”
“I’d rather you kept me out of your bedroom.”
“Exactly. So until we calm down and get used to the idea neither of us are going anywhere, you’ll simply be forced to lure us out with football and food.”
“That I can do.” I looked her over. There was a glow about Hope. She never seemed to stop smiling. Everything about her exuded comfort, peace, and happiness. “This is it, isn’t it? You’re in love with him?”
She nodded slowly. “Yeah. I think so.”
“Just like that?” I always wondered about the people who said thejust knewbut now that I was seeing it for myself I almost understood it.
She smiled. “Kind of. Being married to Brian was exciting. I went into news because I wanted exciting. To travel the world and be there at the heart of history unfolding. When Brian swept into my world it was like moving from the shadows into the sun for the very first time. It was warm and thrilling and I was the center of his universe. Shit like that is intoxicating. But for every up there’s a down.”
“For every high there’s a low.”
She nodded. “The downside to falling in love with someone bigger than life is that when you’re not the center of their universe, you’re nothing at all. And when you spend too much time near them, you burn. In the end, loving Brain was exhausting. It took everything I had and left me with very little for myself. Since the divorce I learned a lot about myself. I love producing but I don’t want the drama or the constant attention. I like quiet nights at home in my sweats. I like having genuine friends who I can be myself around.”
“And Jeffry is a very down to earth guy,” I supplied when her voice dropped away. “Genuine, funny, sincere, all the reasons I value him as a friend. Although I’m not attracted to him.” The vision of Jeffry in red lingerie popped back into my head and I shuddered.
She blinked several times. There were tears in her eyes. “He’s sweet and tender and so smart, and yes, I’m very attracted to him so there is a bit of a difference between my relationship and your relationship with him, but I think we’re looking for the same things.”
“Indeed we are. I spend all day with stars. I prefer my Sundays to be spent with you bunch of crazies.”
“So why the dating service, Leo? If you want genuine, down to earth friendships, why do you avoid relationships and stick to one-night-stands?”
“They’re not one-night-stands. That implies quick and meaningless. No, I don’t ‘date’ these women and no, I have no interest in developing a lasting relationship with any of them, but they are not meaningless. Not to me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly, resting her hand gently on top of mine, “I didn’t mean to insult you. I was just curious why a guy who cares so much about others, who goes to so much trouble,” she waved her hand at the party still going on behind us, “to nurture his friendships, doesn’t want the closest, most intimate relationship of them all.”
The wordsmost intimateimmediately brought up a vision of Esme. I still couldn’t quite explain my reaction to her. I’d been with so many vulnerable women over the years, so many who needed the same things Esme had asked for, but none of them affected me like she had. Perhaps because she was so much more open to me, so connected.
Most intimate.
“There is someone,” Hope murmured. “Who?”
“I don’t know what on earth you’re talking about.”
“Leo, you should see your face. You are absolutely lost to someone. Who is she?”
Was it true? Was Ilostto Esme? Wonderful timing on my part if that was the case. The one woman who didn’t want me in her life at all.
But then again, if I was going to lose myself to someone I might as well get really fucking lost.
“She’s a dream, Hope. Nothing but a dream.”
