Armand
HoldingZio while he slept was its own form of pleasure. The closeness comforted me, even when he was blissfully lost in dreams. Curled up behind him as I held him, I savored the quiet moment together.
His sleepy chuckle drew my attention from its wandering. “What amuses you?”
“You have the most enormous bed I’ve ever seen, but you’re still hugging me like a determined octopus,” he said through a yawn.
“Do you want me to stop?”
To my great delight, Zio placed his hand over mine and gave it a squeeze. “No.” He fell silent, making me think he had drifted to sleep until he continued speaking. “I like it.”
I hugged him tighter. “Good, because I like it, too.”
It thrilled me when he snuggled in my hold. “And I finally understand.”
“Understand what?”
He brushed his thumb over my hand holding him. “You’re going to laugh.”
“I won’t.”
He interlaced his finger with mine. “I get why being the big spoon never felt right.”
That wasn’t the answer I had expected. “Why?”
“Because I was never strong enough to make my exes feel safe in my arms. I constantly worried about whether that was the last time she’d let me hold her before she broke up with me. Holding them brought me endless anxiety but never comfort. It was an obligation I had to complete as part of the boyfriend checklist.”
His answer made my heart break for him. “And now?”
“I finally feel safe.” He hugged me closer to him. “I can surrender all my fears and anxiety, because something deep within me trusts that you’ll protect me from harm. Rightly or wrongly, I have an unshakeable conviction that nothing bad can happen to me when you’re holding me.”
His words moved my heart, since I knew what that meant for him in the face of his anxiety disorder. “I’ll do everything in my power to keep you safe.” I sealed my promise with a lingering kiss on his shoulder. “Always and forever.”
“It’s amazing how I keep finding new things to love about you.”
His words overjoyed me. “May I share a revelation in return?”
“Sure.”
“You’ve introduced me to an unexpected pleasure.”
His little giggle was so cute. “How did I do that?”
“By showing me the joy of being in bed with someone without sex.”
He snorted in disbelief. “By definition, isn’t that a lack of sexual pleasure?”
“It’s not about that.” I tried to think of the best way to explain it to him. “The only time I’m in bed without sex is when I’m sleeping alone.”
“I have a question about that later, but go on.”
“Being allowed to hold you and enjoy the physical comfort without sex is a pleasure I’ve never had before.”
I could hear the grin in his voice. “I’ll try not to ruin the moment by getting turned on.”
“If you do, I won’t have any complaints about it.” I couldn’t resist caressing his chest, smirking when he shivered from the ghosting sensation. “What was your question earlier?”
“Um, it’s kind of impertinent.”
