“Ah, that.” He took a moment to find the best way to express himself. “I meant it when I said I wouldn’t pressure you. All you have to do is say the word.”
I studied him with an apprehensive look. “Is that what you want?”
“I want you to be comfortable with whatever decision you make. You’re not obligated by my desires.”
“You really desireme?” I worried my lower lip with my teeth, trying to ignore the bubble of hope floating up within me.I’m not supposed to want that, remember?
“Oui, but your friendship is its own gift, one that I am most grateful for. Anything beyond that is up to you.”
Even though I told myself not to, I confessed, anyway. “I’m scared.”
“Zio, I mean it. Nothing has to happen.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to confess the truth. “I’m scared by how much I desire you. I’m afraid I’ll want more of you if I give in to the thing inside me that’s begging for a chance with you. My anxiety is convinced I’ll be so bad that you’ll never want me again. More than that, I’m terrified I’ll do something stupid like fall in love with you.”
“Why would loving me be stupid?”
His reaction stunned me into being speechless. That wasn’t the part he should have gotten hung up on. “Because I’m not allowed to.”
“Says who?”
“I’m just some guy in a bar you met. I was supposed to be an easy, random hookup. You don’t love that person.” The words left a bitter tang in my mouth that I tried to wash out with a sip of my drink.
“But that’s not who you are,” he insisted. “I told you before. You intrigued me, so I went over to talk to you.”
“Hoping I would end up in your bed for a meaningless fuck before you moved on.”
He shook his head. “If that’s what I was after, I would have gone after the businessman. I stayed to chat with you becauseyouinterested me. Even if I had spent the night with the other man, I never would have invited him to spend the day with me. I did that because you’re you.”
It was almost impossible not to laugh. “That’s what Rigby said when I talked to him this afternoon.”
“Your friend is right.”
Hearing that confirmation comforted me. “He also told me if I wished to kiss you that I should.”
Armand’s lips curved up into a wicked smile that sent shivers through me. “He sounds wise. Did he say anything else?”
I hesitated before answering. “He pointed out if I fell in love with you, we both live in Sunnyside, so we could be together.”
“If you won’t believe me, then you should listen to him. He understands me quite well for someone who has never met me.”
His words gave me the courage to make my decision.
* * *
Armand insistedon walking me up to my room after we finished talking at the restaurant. It made our evening feel like an actual date, filling me with the warm glow of a million fireflies flitting around inside me.
When we reached my door, I turned to face him. “Thank you for today. I had way more fun than I would have had on my own.”
“Same. I enjoyed your company. I’m very much looking forward to our day together tomorrow.”
The voice in the back of my mind was pitching a royal hissy fit at my inaction.Kiss him! Fucking kiss him! You donotwant to spend the rest of tonight and tomorrow torturing yourself by wondering what it would have been like.
It was a valid point, but I couldn’t make myself act. Asking to be kissed was also too weird. But Armand was enough of a gentleman to be true to his word by not making a move unless I explicitly said something.Damn it!
He did a terrible job of suppressing his amusement. “It seems you’re fighting a tough war within yourself, eh?”
I couldn’t hold back my reaction. “In my defense, it’s a hell of a battle between being scared and wanting you to kiss me.”
