Page 21 of Such A Good Guy
How long was I going to have to do this? Maybe I could thank him for all his help and politely decline to accompany him on any more tour stops.
My fingers closed in on one of my favorite crystals for clarity—a rust-colored jasper.
Looking idly through my purse, my hands closed over my wallet, but not my passport.
Shit, I had put it right in my wallet. Now where the fuck was it? I needed that if I was going to get back in the US.
I was rifling through my bag when I heard Luke speak.
“I don’t want your number, because that’s Luna,” he said. “And I’ve been in love with her for a long time. Ever since the day I met her. She’s the only woman I have ever wanted.”
CHAPTER 6
Luke
Iwatch Luna’s big dark eyes open wider at what I said, the lovely flecks of gold sparking with uncertainty.
But it’s true.
I’ve loved her ever since the day I met her.
It was Christmas break my senior year of college. Adrian had invited me and a few of the other guys who often played music together home for Christmas, and we had all gone out to dinner.
Playing music was the only way the knives in my brain receded, but also an easy way to get what I wanted. I had learned a long time ago that a song and a smile was a good way to get people to give me things. Money, mostly. People offered up a lot of shit Ididn’twant, like pussy or cock, but they also offered money. Scholarships to college.
I was aware that I wasn’t like other people. Other people seemed to have emotions or care about things, and I did not. I cared about being left the fuck alone and playing music. I did need money. However much money I needed wasn’t clear, because I wasn’t great with numbers. However much I would need to deflect my problems if anyone found out how my mind worked. Or about what had happened at the group home.
Where other people seemed to be heated, inside I was only cold, my brain full of shards, sharp jagged things that at any point could break off and shatter someone.
I was aware that my body and face were appealing to both women and men, so I was used to getting lots of attention, their faces turned hopefully up to me, heartbeat throbbing in their throats as their hands reached out to touch me. People always wanted to touch me, wantedmeto touchthem.
The sensation of human touch was unpleasant, like ants crawling over my skin, and I made every excuse to avoid it but it seemed unavoidable to have to talk to people.
They just couldn’t touch me at all.
But Adrian’s little 18-year-old sister did not reach out for me, or even pay me any attention.
We had gone out to some shitty burger place, and she sat across the table from me with her nose in her book. I craned my head to give her sidelong glances.
What was this book?
Financial Accounting 101
Oh, so she was smart.
I felt something unfurl inside me, a trickle of interest, my stomach clenching and my hands itching to stretch across the table and pull the book, make her look at me.
There was something different about Luna, the uninterested way she had her long dark hair twisted up into a loose bun, the little flyaway tendrils clinging to her neck.
I wanted to take that hair and yank, twist it up in my fist and feel it between my fingers. I had a sudden desire to know what she smelled like.
This was different. Having interest in another person was not a feeling I had ever experienced before.
It wasn’t that I didn’t have opportunity to before. I just had nodesireto before.
The idea of fucking someone seemed vaguely repulsive, and certainly unnecessary. Sexual attraction was something that happened to other people.
People would ask me if I was into guys or girls, and I’d just shrug.
