I thought about Professor Baldwin, all the little things he did, things I doubted anyone really noticed in lecture.
The way he furrowed his eyebrows when he was poring over his papers, immersed in contemplation. The fact his gaze was dark, deep… consuming.
Or the way he curled his long, muscular fingers around the eraser right before he cleared off the board. He was articulate and precise. He made sure his lines were exact as he put quotes on the dry-erase board. He was stern in the way he spoke; in the manner he gave us our responsibilities.
It was hard concentrating in his class, hard to do anything but yearn after a man I’d never have.
“What do you think about Professor Baldwin?” I looked over at Alexis, who was busy grinning at a guy currently seated at the next table over. I shouldn’t be asking her anything about this, shouldn’t attract attention to my curiosity where he was concerned. “Alexis?”
She glanced at me, the expression on her face indicating me she hadn’t heard. “What?”
I might tell her never mind, not bring this up again. She’d never know the difference. But I felt myself licking my lips and repeating, “Professor Baldwin. What do you think about him?”
I observed her brows knit; her look puzzled as to why I was asking. I grew flustered as I gazed down at the plastic-wrapped sandwich in front of me. I felt her look on me, as if she were dissecting me, trying to read more into the question.
And there was more in the question, so much more, but I’d never tell her. I couldn’t. It felt awful to even think it.
“I was just curious about what you thought about him… as a teacher.”
“Mm-hmm,” she murmured, doubtful. “You mean Professor Make Me Feel Good?”
I whipped my head up, felt my eyes widen. “What? Oh my God, Alexis.” I felt my face heat as I looked around, wondering if anyone had heard. She was giggling alongside me.
“He’s seriously hot, and I know a shitload of girls want to bang him in one of the empty classrooms.”
“God, you’re really going there.”
She chuckled. “You’re such a virgin.” She laughed harder as I looked at her, my expression obviously revealing how mortified I was.
“Alexis, good Lord.” I looked around again. “Could you say that any louder?” I felt my cheeks heat. I had no doubt I was scarlet, my embarrassment a bright beacon for everyone in the library to see.
“Wait, why are you asking about Professor Baldwin?”
I glanced down and started putting my books away, regretting even bringing this up. “It’s nothing. Never mind.”
She didn’t answer, but I felt her watching me. When I had my books in my backpack, I looked up, telling myself to appear like I wasn’t absolutely ashamed.
She observed me with this puzzled expression on her face.
“What?”
Her eyes expanded and her mouth opened in a tiny O.
“Oh, my fucking God. Gracie, you’ve obviously got the hots for the professor.”
Lord, my cheeks felt like they were on fire. “No. I don’t. You’re insane.” I was rambling, stuttering.
“You’re a horrible liar, by the way.”
I gave an embarrassed chuckle, which just made this scenario much worse.
“I don’t know why you’re embarrassed.” She shrugged and leaned back in the chair, looked back at the table, giving the guy who sat there a come-fuck-me smile. “You know how many guys I find hot at this school.” And then looked back at me and chuckled. “Your face is so red.”
I grew even more frustrated.
“You know how many guys probably think you’re hot?”
I scoffed and rolled my eyes.