Pushing them to stop pretending, to acknowledge what we all knew was happening between us.
“I’m proposing we stop fighting this. All ofthis.”
The way Kaia had pulled me close, kissed me like I was everything she’d been waiting for.
How perfect it felt, the three of us tangled together, like we’d finally found the missing pieces of ourselves.
But what did I do after I built that beautiful thing? Ran scared the moment it became real. Started pulling away after Kaia and Aspen bonded, because watching her connect with someone else—even though I’d pushed for it—felt like swallowing glass.
“I created this,” I whisper to the darkness, my voice cracking on the words. “I brought us all together, and then I fucking ran when it mattered.”
The chaos magic around me flares brighter, responding to the rawness in my chest.
“I’m the one who made it happen, and now I’m just… watching it happen without me.”
A sob breaks free before I can stop it, followed by another. My shoulders shake as months of self-sabotage finally tear free.
“I pushed for all of us, and then I couldn’t handle it when they actually chose each other.”
The words hang in the air like an accusation. Against her, against them, against myself for being too much of a coward to stay and fight for what I’d helped create.
“You’re not sulking, are you?”
I jolt upright, chaos magic scattering like startled birds. Aspen stands at the edge of the clearing, ice-blue eyes taking in my disheveled state with characteristic directness.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I lie, swiping at my face. “Just enjoying some quality alone time. You know, communing with nature and all that philosophical shit.”
He doesn’t buy it for a second. Just walks over and settles beside me on the log, close enough that I can feel the cool air that perpetually surrounds him.
“You’ve been avoiding her,” he says quietly.
The words hit like a physical blow because they’re true. Every single one.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Since our bond locked.” His voice is matter-of-fact, no judgment in it. “You’ve been finding excuses to be anywhere she isn’t.”
I open my mouth to deny it, then close it again. Because he’s right, and I hate him for it.
“You want to know why?” The words tear out of me before I can stop them. “Because watching her, feeling her bond with you—with anyone—hurts like hell, even though I’m the one who pushed for all of this.”
Aspen is quiet, waiting.
“I brought us all together. Me, her, Malrik. I made it happen because I could see what we all wanted but were too scared to reach for.” My voice cracks. “And then the moment it became real, the moment she started bonding with people, I panicked and started pulling away.”
“Because you were jealous?”
“Because I was terrified.” I drag my hands through my hair. “What if I created something beautiful and then discovered I don’t actually belong in it? What if the bond between me and her isn’t as strong as what she has with you, or Malrik, or any of the others?”
Aspen considers this. “So instead of finding out, you decided to prove yourself right by disappearing?”
The quiet observation hits harder than any accusation could. “Pretty fucking stupid, right?”
“Understandable,” he says instead. “But stupid, yes.”
We sit in silence for a moment, the weight of my confession settling between us.
“She’s been looking for you, you know,” Aspen says finally. “Asking where you are, why you seem different. Her shadows drift toward the places you used to be.”
