Page 70 of Eternal Pieces
I don’t know how to get through this.
I don’t want to get through anything without her. But I realize I need to be here for my brother.
He’s hurting as well. I didn’t even stop to think about how he’s coping. No matter what, we’re in this together.
Footsteps echo down the hall, and I jump out of my seat, my jacket falling off my lap. A nurse is coming straight toward us. I tap Mad on the chest to wake him up. I’m not sure what time it is, but we’ve been here for hours and I haven’t been able to rest at all. Sarah’s been texting, and Dad dropped by, hoping to hear good news, but there was nothing to tell them. I sent him home with the promise that I’d update him as soon as we heard anything. I’d hoped that would have been sooner than now.
“Mister Ostair?” The nurse looks between us.
Mad shoots up next to me.
“Yes,” we say at the same time.
“Violet is out of surgery. The C-section was successful, but she’s going to be out for a little while longer. You’ll be able to see her as soon as she’s awake and wanting visitors.”
Is it normal for a person’s heart to break and then heal itself this many times in one day?
I’m filled with more relief than I know what to do with. Do I cry? Jump for joy? Punch the wall again?
“Are the triplets okay?” Mad asks, his voice rough.
“All three of them are up in the NICU,” she says through a gentle smile. “You’re welcome to come see them. Which one of you is the dad?”
“We both are,” I say.
Her smile turns awkward. “Usually we only allow one—” She sighs and eyes our suits. “Were you both getting married today?”
“Sort of,” Mad mumbles, looking at me.
“Yes, we were both marrying Violet,” I tell her with more confidence.
She chews on her lip then I swear she mumbles, “Screw it,” before saying, “We don’t usually do this, but both of you come with me.”
She leads the way up to the NICU. The room is bigger than I expected, and with way more babies in it. Some are quietly asleep, others are fussing. A few nurses and doctors are busy looking after them all.
I scan each incubator, looking for ours. How am I supposed to know which ones are—It’s them. Three of the incubators are closer together than the others. A little pinkish-gray newborn in each. Instinctively, I know those are mine. There’s a sharp stabbing pain in my chest that only gets worse the closer I walk to them.
Violet should be here for this. She’s the one who made them. The one who suffered sleepless nights, daily back pain, and nausea. It should be her looking at them for the first time. Not us.
I hover a few paces back and watch as Mad meets them.
“They’re tiny.” He keeps his voice to a soft hush.
“Only six pounds between them,” the nurse says.
“What happened?” I ask. We were told to expect them early, but there were no warning signs. Or if there were, I failed and missed them. A part of me worries it was my fault. We went too hard on her in the night. I knew the risks of expressing her milk like that, yet I did it anyway.
“Violet’s blood pressure dropped, which could have been the cause. But before you start worrying, there’s nothing you could have done. Once babies decide they’re coming, there’s no stopping them. This was the best outcome you could hope for, and these three were determined to meet you today.”
“Can we hold them?” Mad asks, his face pressed to the side of the incubator.
“Not yet, I’m afraid. They need a bit more alone time to make sure they’re strong enough to be near our adult germs. Sit with them and talk to them. Let them know their daddies are here.” She leaves him to it and smiles sympathetically at me as she passes by.
Mad presses his hand to the glass, and my fingers twitch. I can feel his intense need to touch them. To keep them safe. That’s all I want as well.
“Hey, babies. You’ve caused your mama quite a bit of trouble. It’s a good thing you’ve got two daddies to keep an eye on you now that you’re out in the big world. Your mama will be here to see you soon as well. I promise.”
He looks up at me and motions for me to come over. I want to. God, do I want to meet my kids, but my feet are frozen. It doesn’t feel right without Violet.
