Page 31 of Eternal Pieces
Leaning my head back, I remember what my therapist told me to do if I ever felt like this. I focus on the things around me to ground myself and take my focus away from the pain.
Five things I can see…the leaves swaying above me in the light breeze, an empty bird’s nest resting on one of the branches, the blue sky backdropping it all. I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. There’s a patch of purple flowers in the grass across from me. They remind me of Violet. She’s like aperfect spring day, bringing me peace when she’s near. The final thing I see is an old, faded baseball nestled in the long grass. Surprisingly, its presence doesn’t irritate me. Instead, it makes me laugh.
I feel more at ease hidden away here in the dappled light of the trees than I have all day. Mad was right. We’re not suited to being cramped indoors.
Taking my time, I move through the rest of my grounding therapy, and when I’m focusing on the three things I can hear, I recognize the nostalgicthwackof a bat hitting a ball.
I should ignore it, give Mad a call to talk through what happened today. Ninety percent of the time he’s an ass, but when it comes to us being there for each other he cuts the joker act.
Or maybe I should book back in with my therapist. She said I needed longer with her, but I was determined to prove I’m happy as is.
The sound comes again, and this time it’s followed by children cheering. Before I know it, my feet are taking me toward the noise.
When I step off the path onto an open section of grass, I find a Little League game being played.
Since the accident, I’ve avoided everything baseball. I quickly skip past it on the television. I avoid social media entirely because I can’t handle seeing my former teammates still playing it or messaging me, asking how I’m doing. But seeing it in real-time, I can’t look away.
The kids look happy. How long did it take for that joy to be stripped away from me? Years? A few months?
I look down at my shaking hands and rub the tips of my fingers against my palms, feeling the roughness that’s permanently layered onto me like a second skin. In the end, it was all for nothing.
It’s what destroyed me.
If I had never played it, then I could have gone to any college I wanted. I could have left with Violet. Mad could have followed us and not had to suffer the guilt of making that choice. Me or her. It should have been her. He should never have stayed with me.
Something wet touches my cheek.Am I crying?For fuck’s sake. I thought I was past this shit.
I wipe the tears away and start aimlessly walking, leaving it all behind me.
CHAPTER 15
VIOLET
Graduation is now only a few weeks away. It’s really snuck up on me. Life has been a hectic blur of studying, tests, and hospital appointments. Maybe I was a bit hasty wanting to do everything at once. The sensible thing would have been to wait until I’d finished college before trying for a baby, but nope. Being the overachiever that I am, I thought it would be easy. How wrong I was.
After a study session with Sarah, we leave the library—the same one where I had my first hands-on encounter with my masked stalker-stepbrothers. It still makes me blush every time I go in there. I can never look at a bookcase the same way again.
I text the guys on my way to Sarah’s car, letting them know she’s taking me home today. I’m sure they already know that anyway, since they track my location all day long, but I like to check in.
“Oh, I forgot I took down the notes for next week’s assignment for you. You missed it when you had to run out to puke.” Sarah rips a page from the jotter in her bag and holds it out to me.
“Another one?” I groan, taking the sheet. I’d just caught up with everything. This last semester has been brutal. I’d be upall night stressing about it all if it weren’t for Max and Maddox wearing me out in bed in the evenings or reading me and the babies to sleep.
I get a text, and assuming it’s from one of my guys, I quickly check it. The smile I was wearing disappears, and I stop in my tracks.
You’re a disgusting desperate slut
Fantastic. Another attempt at making me feel bad about my life choices. It’s not the first text, and I know it won’t be the last. Whoever’s been sending these is clearly trying to get a rise out of me, but I’m so overloaded with college, wedding prep, and growing three tiny humans that I actually don’t care.
“Something wrong?” Sarah asks, giving me a concerned look.
I show her the text, and she has a more visceral reaction than I did.
“That’s awful! Who would send something like that? Aaron?”
I shrug. “Maybe. Or one of his friends. It’s just a text, and it’s not like he doesn’t say it to my face.” I block the number, like I did all the other ones, and put my phone on silent.
“You don’t seem phased by it.”
