Page 36 of Captivated
Nate’s legs trembled. Every part of him wanted to refuse, but he knew better. Resistance was futile. In this place, there was no winning.
Not without learning to bend and break oneself into something else.
“I said sit.” The weight of Dr. Keller’s gaze fell on him like a physical force, pressing down on him, demanding compliance.
The camp was always like this. There were no escapes, no breaks. The only reprieve was the silence that followed when they were finished with their dailysessions. It was then that Nate could hide his true self—the one they were trying to beat out of him—and pretend to be just another sad, broken boy who’d been stripped of everything.
“Do you remember what we talked about yesterday, Nathaniel?” Dr. Keller drummed his fingers on the desk.
Nate swallowed hard, the words stuck in his throat. “Yes, sir,” he croaked.
“You’re making progress.” Dr. Keller leaned forward, his voice taking on an almost paternal tone. “We’re here to help you, Nathaniel. But only if you’re willing to listen. Only if you’re willing to change.”
Nate nodded mechanically. His mind felt fuzzy, distant, as though he were floating outside his own body. Every day was the same. The same humiliation. The same forced confessions. The same cruel reminders that he was wrong.
That he was broken.
Dr. Keller leaned back in his chair, his hands folded on the desk, his smile cold but reassuring. “Today, we’re going to focus on your feminine tendencies.” Disdain dripped from the word. “You’ve been showing resistance, Nathaniel, and we need to address that. This isnotwho you are. This isnotwho you were meant to be.”
Nate’s heart pounded, the panic rising in his throat. He’d seen the posters plastered around the camp, heard the whispers in the hallway about exercises and drills to“remedy”the so-called sickness inside him.
But thereisno sickness. How can they remedy something that doesn’t even exist?
“Close your eyes,” Dr. Keller instructed, his voice now low and smooth.
Like a predator preparing to strike.
Nate’s throat constricted as he obeyed. The darkness behind his eyelids felt like a cage, a suffocating tomb.
He knew what was coming.
“When you think of yourself, Nathaniel,” Dr. Keller’s voice cut through the darkness, “what do you see?”
Nate clenched his jaw, trying to keep his breathing steady, to keep his thoughts from spiraling into that terrifying void. “I… I see me,” he whispered. His voice quivered, betraying him.
Dr. Keller’s too soft voice made Nate’s skin crawl. “And when you picture yourself, Nathaniel, do you see a boy or a girl?”
Nate’s eyes shot open, his heart hammering in his chest.
No, no, no…
“Answer me.” Dr. Keller’s tone sharpened. “Do you see a boy—or a girl?”
“I’m a boy.” The words stumbled out, barely a whisper.
“Say it louder. Say it like you mean it.”
“I’m a boy,” Nate repeated, the words like shards of glass in his throat.
The doctor’s eyes gleamed, a hint of satisfaction crossing his features. “That’s better. But we both know what’sreallyinside of you, don’t we?”
Nate felt a wave of nausea wash over him. He knew what the doctor meant.Nateknew it. He could see it in the eyes of the counselors, the other boys in the camp, how they stared at him with disgust, how they whispered about him when they thought he wasn’t listening.
Freak.
Sissy.
Deviant.
