Page 100 of Save Me
He studies the blank page in the notebook and then nods. “OK.”
I grin and set the pen to paper. Then I writeTo Doin swirly letters in the middle at the top. I draw a wavy line under the title. Then I write:1. Travel to Bangkok. I look expectantly at James. “What next?”
He rubs his chin pensively.
“It can be anything,” I remind him.
“I’d like to keep playing lacrosse,” he says in the end, quietly.
“Oh, yes,” I murmur, making a note of the second point on the list. Then I draw a little lacrosse stick and James’s shirt with the seventeen on it. By the time I glance up, his expression is so warm, it makes my belly start to tingle.
“So, what now?”
He needs another moment to think. I don’t want to pressure him, so I wait patiently.
“I’d like to read more,” he says. “And not just my usual stuff.”
“What do you normally read?”
“Nonfiction books my dad gives me. Biographies of successful businessmen.” He frowns. “But there’s so much more. I’d like to try manga, for example.” He gives me a smile that speaks volumes.
“I could give you a list of recommendations,” I say, smiling back at him.
“I’d devour them.”
I grin and bend over the list.3. Read more, other genres, I write. “What else?”
James swallows hard. “Obviously, I’d like a job where I feel fulfilled. I don’t know what, or if it’s even possible, but…” He shrugs his shoulders. It seems like he wants to say more but won’t let himself. I put the pen down and hold his face. I tenderly run my thumb over his warm cheek and then lean in to kiss him. He shuts his eyes and sighs softly.
“Everything is possible, James,” I whisper, leaning back again. I pick up the pen and jot down:4. Find a fulfilling career. After that, I eye my handiwork thoughtfully.
“There’s something missing,” James says suddenly, grabbing for the notebook. He takes the pen from me and writes something down.
“Finished,” he murmurs, holding the book out. I slide over next to him until my bare thigh is touching his and read what he’s added.
5. Ruby
I hold my breath and look from the list to James and back again.
“If you’re with me, I feel as though I can do anything,” he says hoarsely. “So that’s why you definitely belong on a list that’s there to make me happy.”
I don’t know what to say. So I climb onto his lap and fling my arms around his neck. He puts his hand on the back of my head and kisses me. Together, we sink back into the pillow, with molten lips and his dreams in our hands.
31
James
Sadly, the best night of my life by miles has to come to an end eventually. Ruby and I tried to pull an all-nighter, but around four a.m., we fell asleep, only to wake up again with a jump about three hours later because we thought we’d overslept, and her parents might already be waiting at the door. Luckily it was a false alarm, but we don’t have long left.
I find it incredibly hard to let Ruby go back to her room. I don’t want to say goodbye to her and keep pulling her back to me and kissing her, as if it’s going to be at least a month before I see her again. But we’re going to be in school together again tomorrow, and I might even see her before that if I can sneak out of the house. My chances are pretty good. My father considered it a personal insult that I was invited to St. Hilda’s for an interview. He even offered to pull some strings so I could swap places with Lydia, who—unlike me—did get an interview from Balliol. I can still hear words like “useless” and “waste of space” swirling around my head. I don’t think he’ll be interested in how it went.
Percy picks me up in the early morning. He takes my suitcasefrom me and stows it in the boot of the Rolls before he gets in again and we go to meet Lydia. The screen is up and the intercom is off, so apparently, he’s not in the mood to chat. That suits me fine as it gives me another chance to look at Ruby’s list. I don’t know how realistic the items on it really are, but at least it will always remind me of last night.
I’m now wearing the gray T-shirt that Ruby had on until this morning, and her scent clings to me. I feel as though I can still taste her on my tongue, and I get goose bumps every time I remember the way she groaned my name. I want to do that again. Right away, ideally.
When Lydia joins me in the car, she can immediately see that something’s changed. She narrows her eyes at me, looks me up and down, then into my face again. A knowing grin spreads across her features. “You look like you had a good night.” She knows me too well.
I fold the list up again and slip it back into my wallet. It can replace the fuck-you card that I ripped up and threw in the college bin.
