Page 24 of Trust Again
Who cared? I had no feelings, no pain, no memories, no fear.
We moved closer to each other and let ourselves move in time to the music. It felt great. I allowed myself be distracted and twirled by him, let him touch me, just because. I had power over my feelings and could decide how the night might go. There was no room for pain and fear, only for fun and lightness.
Until I felt someone else behind me. I immediately knew who it was. My skin was tingling, and my heart was skipping beats again. Glancing over my shoulder, I glared at Spencer. But he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were fixed angrily on my dance partner.
The guy shrugged and turned away from me with a smile. It only took him a few seconds to find another dance partner.
Pissed off, I turned to Spencer. “What was that all about?” I hissed.
“Watching you dance with other guys is not my idea of fun. I want you to distract yourself with me.” He put his arm around my waist as if I were his. As if he had the right to touch me like that.
“Cut it out,” I said, trying to shake his hand off.
“No can do.” He stroked my back, and despite my anger, I melted under his touch. His mouth grazed my ear. “I just can’t stop when it comes to you, Dawn.”
Suddenly, it was as if the pulsating music and the crowd had completely evaporated. I felt nothing but Spencer, heard nothing but his words; everything in me screamed his name. But it wouldn’t work. It just wouldn’t.
“I mean it, Spencer. Let me go,” I said through clenched teeth.
Distraught, he looked at me and raised his hands.
“Look, you can’t just show up and get all jealous because we kissed once. We’re not an item. You don’t have a claim on me, and you never will. Just leave me alone!”
Dead silence.
Literally. The whole club hushed for a moment at my shrill voice. Several people—including our friends—had turned to stare in our direction.
Spencer looked at me with his dark eyes, his lips slightly parted, his eyebrows raised. Then he clenched his teeth tightly and looked down at his feet.
Before I knew what was happening, he was striding off toward the bar.
Spencer got drunk. I watched from a distance as he tossed back one shot after another. He didn’t even stop when Kaden went over and tried to intervene.
This is not what I wanted.
He was my friend. True, he shouldn’t have acted all possessive toward me, but I also shouldn’t have gone off on him like that, out of fear of my own emotions. Obviously, everything was messed up now: us, our friendship, and apparently also Spencer’s aversion to alcohol.
I’d never seen him drunk before. It was awful. Whenever he finished one drink he waved his glass in the air.
“This is not what I wanted,” I repeated out loud for the third time.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have been so hard on him,” Monica said, as Ethan played with a lock of her colorfully streaked hair.
“He’s 21, baby. Drinking is what you do when you have a bad night.”
“You’re right.” She sighed and turned to me. “Sorry, Dawn.”
I smiled reassuringly. She was right.
“It’s not your fault,” Allie said.
For the first time, I wished Sawyer were there. Her honesty and directness would really have helped in this situation. Allie meant well, but she wasn’t being totally honest with me. In fact, I felt like it was my fault, and I couldn’t go home knowing that Spencer was in this self-destructive mode.
Kaden came back to our table. “Don’t worry, Dawn. He just needs a little distance now.”
Distance.I tried to grasp his words. I failed. Spencer was now talking to a girl. He smiled and sipped his drink, then raised a hand and ordered something for her. She beamed at him and played with her hair. She looked like she was about to sit on his lap when he stood up and dug his cell phone out of his pocket. He put it to his ear and covered his other ear with his hand. He stepped to the side without looking at her again. His shoulders dropped, and for a moment I was afraid he might throw up right then and there. But then he shoved the phone back into his jeans, slammed a few bills on the bar, and disappeared in the crowd, heading toward the exit.
I shot a worried glance at Kaden, but he was totally wrapped up in Allie again.
