Page 57 of Sugar
His voice carried the same edge. “What thefuckwere you thinking, Madeline?”
All the illogical assumptions my brain had jumped to crashed around me. I couldn’t believe that I’d thought for even a second that he wanted me.
But the level of anger still took me by surprise, leaving me speechless.
“It’s bad enough you’re here. You of all people don’t belong here.” His bit out words didn’t just hurt.
They stoked the fires of my insecurities until they eviscerated my insides.
He wasn’t done. He slammed his hands against the wall on either side of my head, and the paper he clutched crinkled in one ear. “But this?”
I blinked, totally lost. “Thiswhat?”
He moved it in front of my face, giving me a brief glimpse. It was my name and answers, printed out and signed like a purchase agreement.
“Christ, Madeline, you left your hard limits blank.”
Like a silly little girl who doesn’t know any better.
He might not have said those exact words, but his implication was clear.
I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but I didn’t. “I wrote that I would use my safe word.”
“So I saw…guppy,” he sneered, making me regret the impulsive safe word choice I’d written on the form. The one that was tied to him. I hoped like hell he didn’t remember enough to make that connection. “Your answers. Your dress. Your face. Your…everything. You might as well have marked yourself as a sacrificial little fucking lamb. You could’ve gotten stuck with some bastard who would take advantage of you.”
That was the point.
I didn’t say that. I wasn’t sure how to put it into words. How to explain the desires I didn’t even understand.
Even if I knew, I couldn’t bare myself by sharing when he clearly only bid on me in a misguided attempt to protect me from exactly what I wanted.
At my silence, some of his anger faded, and worry took its place. “I’m still going to pay you.”
Because nothing will happen.
Because he’s a nice guy.
Because I’m just a silly little girl.
Disappointment and rejection grew in my belly until it felt as cavernous as the bottomless pit I wanted to disappear into.
I shook my head. “Let’s just forget this happened.”
“No.”
“I’m not taking your money.”
“Too bad.”
I crossed my arms and glared up at him. It was bad enough that I’d fucked up so colossally. That myeverything—as he’d so broadly pointed out—had been foolish and naive.
I didn’t need his pity on top of that.
“I’m not accepting your money for nothing.” I tried to duck and dodge to the side, but he lowered his hands so they were next to my shoulders.
Caging me in.
He dropped his face until it was inches from mine. “Who said it would be for nothing?”
