Page 144 of Hyde and Seek
“What?” I sat up to look down at him.
His hand gently combed through my hair. He watched the long strands fall through his fingers. “Been thinkin’ about it for a while but I didn’t wanna freak you out.”
“You’re the one that seemed freaked. In the kitchen, when you saw—”
“I was already breathin’ deep, seein’ bright, tastin’ sweet. The thought of my baby in you?” He looked me in the eyes, his showing exactly how he’d felt. “Fuckin’ perfection.”
Seeing the two lines on the test had sent a rush of emotions through me. I was worried about Jake’s feelings, but happiness had been a close second.
In a nervous, petrified, excited, and giddy way, that is.
“Why didn’t you want kids before?”
Every time I’d thought about asking, I chickened out. I wasn’t ready to face the definitive reality of never having kids.
I hadn’t lied to him. If the toss-up was between him and babies, I’d pick him. That didn’t mean I wanted to have to make that choice.
“I grew up lonely. My parents worked all the time and even when they were home, they weren’t really there. Floyd flew across the country to be there for you. My dad missed my high school graduation.”
Well, that explains the look on his face when I was telling him about how often I saw Dad.
“Baby,” I whispered, rubbing his stubble.
Catching my hand, he pulled it to him and kissed my fingertips. He kept them close, his lips grazing as he spoke. “I got it then and more so now. But it was one more thing in a long list of things they missed. I know it’s stupid—”
“No, it’s not.” I tried to pull my hand away but his grip stayed firm.
At my raised brows, he gave me a half smile. “You smell and,” he started, before nipping the pad of my middle finger, “taste like cake.”
“Don’t distract me. Continue—”
“I was tryin’ to.” With a wicked grin, his tongue touched my finger.
“With your story. Continue with your story.”
“Fine,” he sighed. “Workin’ with cars was all I’d ever wanted to do. I woke up one mornin’ and I was just done. I was puttin’ time, effort, and a shit ton of money into a college I didn’t wanna go to so I could start doin’ a job I didn’t wanna do. So I quit. I started workin’ at garages until I built enough of a client base that I could start my own place. My focus has always been on Hyde.”
“So you thought if you had kids, they’d have the same life you had?”
Letting go of my hand, Jake went up on his elbows and nodded. “It wasn’t a big deal ‘cause by the time I’d even be thinkin’ about kids, I was already cynical as fuck. I wouldn’t trust a lot of these women to hold my fuckin’ beer, let alone my baby. The crazy shit some bitches have tried to pull on me is laughable in a fucked up way. And it wasn’t just a few women doin’ it. There’s shit with Rhys, babe, that isn’t my story to tell. But what he was put through? If it weren’t for the fact I knew you were mine, I’d have been happy for him.”
“Since it’s only you, thank God your head-ass-ectomy was a success.”
His face went soft. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.” Bending my legs, I wrapped my arms around them and rested my head on my knees. “And?” I prompted again when he stopped his story.
“I didn’t wanna date most of the women I fucked. Even with the ones that weren’t crazy, it wasn’t like that. I had no interest in getting married, so I didn’t wanna end up in a jacked situation where I’m only seein’ the kid every other weekend or some shit.”
“But with me?”
“Without a doubt. You’re sweet and silly as fuck with kids when you’re workin’ up cake designs with them. I can totally picture you with our kids.”
“Really?” I hadn’t known he’d seen any of my planning meetings at the shop, but he was right. I was a dingus.
“Fuck yeah. The thought of you carryin’ my baby? I’m selfish as fuck so I’m happy I get you to myself for a while. But down the road?” His lips tilted up before his expression turned watchful. “You didn’t answer me, though. Do you want kids?”
“Badly. I’d be happy without them, Jake. But I want babies with you.”
