The faintest of grins touched her mouth. He traced the corner of her lips, finding the strength to smother this wild rage.
“Three times.” Rori leaned forward, placing the glass on the table beside his. “I played off the first time. The second, Cassy caught on and expedited an escape plan. The third time was the night he broke my ribs on the dining table,fractured my cheek, and assaulted me again. I managed to call Cassy while he was going to the bathroom because I knew in my heart he would have beaten me and raped me over and over within an inch of my life that night. They came, the three of them. Cassy took me away while Cael and Brandon subdued Rich until the police arrived. The following day, we broke the lease on the apartment—it wasn’t safe to go back knowing Rich would hunt me down the moment he was released—and we stayed at Cael’s place for a few days until we found a new place to live and moved in. The process went so fast, but I suspect now that Cael had something to do with that.”
Thaddeus recalled the night he first crossed Rori’s path, when he had held her tight in his arms until Cael warned him that he was hurting her. Had he injured her then? Without realizing the injuries she’d sustained and had been healing from?
He released a sharp breath, rolling out his shoulders, willing away the tension. Goddess, now her fear made sense. The poignant energy. How she hurt. What he would do to be granted the gift of taking it away, erasing her past and filling it with happiness.
Alas, after suffering through so many obstacles, he would be delivering one final blow.
“You still found it within you to give yourself to me.”
Rori caught his hand and pressed his palm to her cheek. “I’m safe with you. I have never in my life felt more safe with anyone than I do when you’re near. I can close my eyes and completely relax. I can sleep in peace and expect to wake up in the morning without facing demons during the night.”
His fingers curled against her cheek. She lifted her head, a delicate furrow forming between her brows as he drew his fist away and lowered it to his lap.
“I need for you to learn how to feel safe with yourself when I’m no longer around to protect you.”
Rori blinked slowly, her eyes staring blankly at him. He stood up and put a few extra feet of distance between them. Her account of the nightmares she’d endured weakened his resolve to drive yet another stake through her scarred heart. He would do her no favors pushing the cold reality of his future aside for the sake of preserving her feelings now. ’Twas best to suffer all anguish, disappointment, and betrayal at once.
Bloody hell, curse his soul for what he was about to do.
“’Tis a miracle I survived the ambush at the apartment and the sift here. I held no expectations of waking once I fell unconscious. ’Tis why I came here, despite the past between Shaye and myself. I knew you would be safe with him because I knew how he cared for hisanamcara. I never expected him to bring me back from the brink of death when my death remains imminent.”
Thaddeus kept his back to Rori, soaking in the confusion and apprehension she poured between his shoulder blades. The energy around her shifted, growing heavier by the second.
“Why? This isn’t the first time you’ve said you’re going to die. Why do you wish it?”
Oh, sweet Goddess. His lips pulled back and he chuckled under his breath.
“I don’t wish it. Iacceptit. My past actions have condemned me. The moment Dagda or his Council find me, I’ll be executed. ’Tis reality, and ’twas why I tried so desperately to push you away. I’ve naught to offer you but selfish pleasure, empty dreams, and a lifetime of pain.”
That apprehension plummeted into disbelief.
Slowly, Thaddeus turned to face the woman who’dstormed into his life, melted the ice around his heart, and made him yearn to change his past. Only and all for her.
The furrow had deepened between her brows, her eyes narrowed and her lips parted. The flush from earlier had drained, leaving her far more pale than normal.
“In a different life, aye. I would give you the world. The universe. I’d create air for you to breathe and pull the stars from the sky to place them in your eyes. You deserve laughter and freedom. A man willing to carry you through your darkest days, hold the torch in the blackness, protect you from your fears. A man who can celebrate your greatest achievements, raise you higher than you believe you can reach. A man who can love you deep into the eves and long into the days. ’Tis the least you deserve, and I cannot give that to you. ’Twould be foolish for us to entertain eternity when my time is finite.”
“I-I don’t…” She shook her head, squeezing her eyes tight as if to squeeze out this new tribulation. The visceral effect, the tightness she must have suffered in her chest, reflected behind his sternum. When she opened them again, a storm had begun to brew. “W-what are you talking about? Surely you can’t be serious. Those I’ve spoken to here, those I’ve seen with you, don’t appear to treat you like a man awaiting the gallows.”
He chuckled at her choice of words, tipping at the waist. “But I am.”
He straightened up again and folded his hands behind his back, slipping a tinge of indifference into his expression. If, after this noon, she chose to leave and never return, he’d be content knowing she might find happiness and forget about him. Shaye believed he should spend time with her and give her memories. What good were memories when they stoked anguish and grief that would never go away?
He'd be cruel to fill her with fleeting happiness and leave her to dwell on the loss of him.
“Shaye and I, we grew up together. Our parents were, as you describe Cassy and yourself, best friends. Shaye’s father had been one of Dagda’s most trusted High Fae until he found hisanamcara, a mortal woman. Centuries ago, Fae crossing with mortals was looked down upon, especially of the High Fae whose bloodlines possessed pure and powerful magic. There are many today who feel the same way.”
“The Fae who tried to kill me.”
Thaddeus nodded. “Mm.”
He took a moment to sip the tea and try to wash away the sudden dryness that had taken over his tongue. Placing the glass back on the table, he circled one of the chairs, moving closer to the fire. The distance he placed between him and Rori chilled him, a coolness he’d once embraced and now found insufferable.
Trailing his fingers over the top of the chair, he continued, “My father turned down a position on Dagda’s Council long before I was born. He didn’t care much for politics or power acquired through status, using his magic to do good in the realms without the restraints the title of High Fae would place upon him. ’Twasn’t for lack of trying on Dagda’s part. His offers were extremely generous. Alas, my father was humble by nature. He worked alongside Shaye’s father to keep peace among the realms and aid in squabbles that arose, and earned Dagda’s respect and support. He became an unofficial member of the Council without the ties Shaye’s father, and all High Fae, inevitably had being in such high position.”
A nostalgic smile touched his mouth, slipping past him unaware. “’Tis how I grew up. How Shaye, Rihanna, Cael and I grew up. For centuries, until the dark seedlings of politics and power slipped into our lives. Where Shaye remainedsteadfast in his beliefs, unwavering in his will, I fell into the trap of greed. A small taste of power, and I wanted more. An essence of status, and I became hungry for the grandeur of importance.”
