She nodded, though she wanted to refuse. Her feet weighed like stone, but somehow she fell in step beside him, his gait leisurely, slow. He adjusted their hands, pulling them apart to wrap her arm around his. The motion drew her closer, and before long, she found herself hugging his arm, resting her face on his biceps.
“I’ve learned much with you,storín. I’ve learned that with soul mates, one doesn’t necessarily need to know trivialnuances—a favorite food or scent—to know their fated mate. ’Tis far deeper, on a spiritual level we can’t achieve consciously, or even subconsciously. ’Tis similar to mortals casting casual banter about the weather. ’Tis meaningless chatter that brings forth no connection. The bond betweenanamcaras, though, is predestined and merely awaiting activation. ’Tis woven into the fabric of our souls, without any chance of being removed. ’Tis a wick, awaiting its flame. Our souls know each other beyond our conscious minds. Does not matter how hard we fight it, the bond is stronger, and will prevail.”
His voice cocooned her in its deep, rich warmth, soft-spoken words like a soothing lullaby. A deceitful lullaby.
“I’ve come to understand that we act on the primitive connection without complete comprehension because things happen quickly and without warning between those fated to be together. The emotions hit too strong, too quick, consuming anything and everything within its path and power. Alas, we trust these emotions and somehow understand that we’re safe with our other half. Matters not the dangers we cross, the challenges we face, one shall not let the other suffer alone. ’Tis why finding ouranam carais the most precious gift a Fae could ever dream to receive. For a man, ’tis the knowledge that he’ll have a woman to protect and cherish, provide for and love eternally.”
Rori paused, drawing Thaddeus’s curious gaze. One of his brows lifted slightly, but his lips remained flat, the corners tense.
“Speak your question,storín.”
Rori fumbled with her thoughts, her question playing on the tip of her tongue. But in the last moment, her words changed. “Did you think the princess was your soul mate?”
Shadows crossed over his face. The light in his eyes dulled. He pressed his lips together and he looked away.
“Nay,” he murmured. With a deep inhalation, he resumed their walk. Rori loosened her grip on his arm, choosing to read his expression instead of nuzzle his biceps. Ignorance was not bliss in this case. They walked a proverbial precipice, one she trusted him to lead her across but the whispers in her head warned her of the dangers surrounding him. “I knew she wasn’t myanam cara.”
“But you loved her.”
“Foolish thoughts. ’Twas obsession, mayhap. Twisted sense of familiarity and false security. Aye, I fancied myself in love with her, but have you not believed yourself in love before?” He cast her a side glance, his question sincere, lacking any malice. “Your ex?”
When she drew to a stop once more, Thaddeus turned to her, gathered her hands in his, and dipped his head to catch her gaze. God, she hated how easily she conceded to his silent commands.
“Most mortals and Fae go a lifetime without understanding what love truly is. We walk through the years, finding company in others without ever understanding or experiencing a true, soul-bound connection. I can’t fault you for your past relationships, in this lifetime or previous lifetimes.”
“Your princess was recent. She’s still fresh.”
The corner of Thaddeus’s mouth quirked. “I believe yours was as well. Alas, both are dead.”
“You don’t miss her? Even a little? She was a princess, and from what I’ve heard, a stunner. I’m a mortal with flaws.”
The quirk melted into a scowl, and soon dropped awaycompletely. “Fae have more flaws than we care to admit, as you’ve shown me time and again.”
He cupped her face between his hands, drawing her close enough to feel his gentle breaths against her lips and catch the dim flecks of gold in his eyes masked by dismal clouds.
“Nay, I don’t miss her. I can’t pull her memory to the front of my mind, nor do I care to. I can’t recall the details of what she looked like because ’tis you who occupies my head every second of every day. I want for no princess, for I have aqueenwho owns my soul and stole my heart. A goddess who I will die to protect and cherish until I am no longer.”
Love. Thaddeus confessed his love. Toher.
Her heart soared, but dread tethered it down. She wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him until she couldn’t breathe.
And yet…
“Why do I feel you aren’t happy about this?”
“Goddess.” His thumbs slipped beneath her eyes, catching the drops of moisture before they had a chance to fall. “Hold tight to your tears,amhuirnín. For when you need them most.”
He feathered a kiss to each eye. Each tender gesture made her want to insist he keep his secrets to himself. She feared what he would reveal, and how it would ultimately affect her.
“Come. Here is not the place to discuss these things.”
26
The walk to his room was wrought in a tenuous silence. ’Twas as he imagined his walk to his death might be, electrical hums and unspent energy coiled tight, on the brink of exploding. He tried to soothe Rori’s tension—the cuffs muted his magic, but he was still able to funnel a small expenditure of power, for ’twas power to do good—but she remained anxious. Her steps weren’t as they had been in the beginning, loose and languid. Rather now, he felt the stiffness in her knees, the stilted forward movement. Her fingers trembled between his, despite caressing the back of her hand with his thumb.
His woman held a keen instinctual sense. As hard as she tried to prepare for what he would share, there would be no merciful deliverance.
They reached the end of the corridor where Shaye had set up his bedchamber. Tucked away from the bustle of the main castle, out of sight of family and friends. ’Twas best, as he wished no harm upon the man who took him in, healed him, and further nurtured distant memories while walking the grotto. Never once did Shaye bring up his faults orhis dismal future. Instead, they reminisced about times of their childhood, before the dark underbelly of the Fae realms had a chance to coax and tempt them. Before they were exposed to the truth of power-hungry Seelie, jealous princesses and greedy Fae.
