True. Though, I liked it just as much having him underneath me. I nodded along encouragingly.
“What else?”
“He said there’s prep involved, and an oil I needed to ask the healers for. I was hoping you could do that…”
Also true. Perhaps Godr was truly being helpful. “I can do that, korvash. Anything else?”
His brows furrowed a little. “Um… well, he said something else, but I wasn’t really sure about it. It sounds painful.”
I frowned. While his first few times might be uncomfortable, it would never be painful. I’d do everything I could to make sure of that. Godr knew the same, so I wasn’t sure if that was what he was referring to. “What do you mean?”
“Well… he told me about using my mouth… down there… but do you truly like to be bitten? I would think that would ruin the mood, would it not?”
There it is. I knew better than to trust my brother to be completely truthful. Biting back an exasperated sigh, since I didn't want Finn to think it had anything to do with him, I cupped the back of his head and pulled him down for a quick kiss.
“While most of what my brother told you is true, biting is definitely not part of it.”
Sitting up, Finn’s brows drew together tightly. “What? Then why would he suggest it? He said you like it and t-to bite all over.” He waved a hand at me, his flush deepening. “Especially down there.”
I could not hold in the sigh that time. “That would definitely hurt and not in a pleasurable way. Godr was lying. It is a reference to an old relationship I once had. He probably hoped to prank me by getting you to do that.”
Embarrassment made Finn scramble away from me, but it was the hurt in his eyes that worried me the most. Hurt… and anger.
“Finn?”
He stood there for a moment, stock still. Tears welled in his eyes and his teeth clenched, like his emotions were in turmoil. When I reached for him, he shook his head sharply, snatching up his tunic and darting out of the tent without a backward glance. Stunned, I lay frozen for a moment before launching out of bedto go after him. I didn't know which direction he went, but since he knew not to wander off alone, I made a guess that turned out to be correct. I was several paces behind him when he walked up to the fighter’s fire and my brother, who was drinking with his friends. And in a move that was so very unlike my Finn, he pushed Godr hard, taking him off guard enough to make him stumble.
Sixteen
Iwas so blindly angry when I went looking for Godr. I trusted him. I thought he wouldn’t betray me like my brother had. That alone was bad enough, and hurt me down to my core, but he also risked my relationship with Rath in the process. I could have hurt him. My stomach churned just at the thought of hurting Rath.
“You asshole!”
Godr looked stunned, actually stumbling back from the push. I wanted to do it again, or maybe to hit him, but I could barely see through the angry tears welling in my eyes.
“Wha–”
“You lied to me! You said you’d help me, but you lied!”
I choked on a sob, barely noticing the silence as everyone near the fighter’s fire turned to watch. All I could focus on was Godr and his betrayal.
“Finn, wait,” he started, a hesitant smile on his face. “It was just a joke–”
“It wasn’t funny! I could have hurt him! I could have hurt him and he could have left me and I’d be all alone again! I hate you! I hate you for trying to take him from me! I’ll never trust you again!”
Deep, gut wrenching sobs ripped through me, so strong I couldn’t breathe right. I sank to my knees, hugging my middle tightly. I could’ve lost him. The only person who truly cared for me. Who took me in and showed me what it meant to be cared for. To be loved. Rath was the first person ever who truly made me feel safe enough to be myself. He never judged or got angry with me if I made a mistake or if I cried on him. He just held me and kissed me until I felt better. The thought of hurting him, even by accident, tore me up inside. And after I trusted Godr, too.
Footsteps approached from behind me, and when Rath scooped me into his arms, I didn’t fight him. I sobbed into his neck, clinging to him desperately. I couldn’t lose him. I just couldn’t. I wouldn’t survive.
“Rath…” Godr croaked.
Rath didn’t say anything. He walked away without a word, bypassing his tent to bring me to the river instead. He didn’t bring us in it, he kept his promise not to bring me there unless we absolutely had to. Instead, he sat on the banks with me cradled in his lap, hugging me so tightly, I had no hopes of escaping him. Not that I wanted to. If I could, I’d crawl under his shirt and hide forever.
He waited for the sobs to stop. Waited for my tears to dry. And waited more until I could speak around the hiccuping gasps to explain myself.
“Did… Did I ever tell you how I ended up here?”
I didn’t expect him to answer. I knew I didn’t. I was ashamed of how it happened. I’d hoped I would never have to tell him.
