What the fuck are you doing?
My heart, unlike his, was now hammering against my ribs like a trapped bird. This hadn’t felt like just a shag. Not even close. There had been an intensity, a raw connection that scared the living daylights out of me. He’d looked at me,reallylooked at me, in a way that stripped away all my usual defenses.
Sean was handsome, funny, and seemed genuinely, devastatingly kind. The kind of man who deserved someone… simpler. Someone not trailing a comet’s tail of scandal. Someone not me. The thought of pulling him into my chaotic orbit, of watching his brightness inevitably get dimmed by my darkness, felt like a punch to the gut. This felt too good, too precious, and I had a spectacular talent for destroying precious things.
In another life, maybe.A life where I wasn’t Elisabeth Fiona MacLeod, the MacLeod Menace.
With a sigh that felt like it was ripped from my soul, I carefully extricated myself from his embrace. The cool air of the room felt hostile on my bare skin. I padded quietly, gathering my scattered clothes, the familiar, shameful routine of the “walk of shame” washing over me.
I paused at the desk, grabbing a piece of hotel stationery. What do you even say?‘Thanks for the mind-blowing shag, but I’m too much of a fuck-up for you’? In the end, I just scribbled a few cowardly words:
Sean,
Thanks for a great night. Wish things could be different.
B
I left the note on the pillow next to him, allowing myself one last, lingering glance at his handsome, sleeping face. Then, turning my back on the warmth and the quiet breathing, I slipped out of the room.
The pre-dawn quiet of Glasgow felt accusatory as I stumbled out of the hotel and into the first taxi I could find. My reflection in the window was a ghost. Smudged makeup, wild hair, haunted eyes. The woman I was no longer allowed to be.
Back in my cold, empty flat, I kicked off my heels and peeled off my dress. I was a mess. Tomorrow—no,today—I had to face the charity, face my parents’ ultimatum, face myself. Am I the party girl who bolts before sunrise, or the responsible adult I can sometimes pretend to be?
I stepped into the shower, the cold water a brutal shock. Time to find out.
CHAPTER FOUR
SEAN
I joltedawake to the loud sound of a blacksmith’s hammer pounding away behind my eyes. For a split second, I didn’t know where I was. Then, instinct took over, my hand reaching for the warm body that should’ve been next to me. But all my hand touched were cold, empty sheets.
“Beth?” I called out, my voice a dry, gravelly thing that scraped my throat. The answering silence was a relief; any loud noise felt like it would crack my skull open.
Fuck.
I forced myself to sit up, a move I instantly regretted as the hotel room tilted violently. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the world to stop spinning. When I dared to open them again, I scanned the room. Her clothes had vanished without a trace, not a single scrap left of the fiery redhead who’d completely upended my universe, and apparently my liver, last night. My gaze landed on a folded piece of paper on thepillow next to me, the white of it offensively bright against the dark fabric.
Sean,Thanks for a great night. Wish things could be different.B.
The words swam for a second, and I had to read the note twice before my brain could process it. My gut twisted with a cocktail of disappointment and relief. Part of me, the stupid, hopeful part, wanted her to stay. Another, more rational part, the part currently nursing a world-ending hangover, was secretly glad she’d made the exit decision for both of us.
Disappointment because, well, Beth was fucking incredible. Like, mind-blowing, earth-shattering incredible. The kind of incredible that makes you question every other hookup you’ve ever had and wonder if you’ve been doing it wrong this whole time. Her body, her laugh, the way she’d bitten her lip when I’d... yeah. Incredible was actually an understatement. But relief? That was harder to explain. Was it because I knew this wouldn’t go anywhere? I was leaving Glasgow in a few days, and she... well, she was probably better off without getting tangled up with me.
Getting out of bed felt like a monumental task, each movement a careful negotiation with nausea. My mouth tasted like I’d licked the floor of the pub, and the headache was now a permanent resident, setting up shop behind my eyes. Christ, how much did we drink last night? Memories flashed through my mind in painful, brilliant bursts: Beth’s laugh, her soft skin, the way she’d moaned my name. I shook my head, trying to clear the images, but the motion only made the blacksmith in my skull hammer harder.Focus, McCrae. You’ve got a seminar to prep for.
I stumbled toward the bathroom, desperate for the scalding water of the shower to wash away the sins of last night. I washalfway through, letting the steam work its magic, when I heard the suite door open.
“Yo, Sean! You alive in there?” Danny’s voice reverberated through the suite.
“In the shower!” I called back, rinsing the shampoo out of my eyes. “Give me a minute!”
I stepped out, wrapping a towel low on my waist, and walked into the living room area to find Danny sprawled on the couch like a king on his lumpy, disheveled throne. He looked like he’d been through a war and come out smiling on the other side; his shirt was half-unbuttoned, his hair was a gravity-defying mess, and a faint smear of crimson lipstick adorned his collar like a medal of honor.
“Jesus, Danny. You didn’t come back all night. Did you sleep at all?”
He grinned, looking far too chipper for a man running on fumes and whisky. “Sleep is for the weak, my friend,” he declared. “And besides, I had a fantastic night with MoiraandKirsty. Scottish women are a national treasure, Sean. A fierce, beautiful, and surprisingly flexible national treasure.”
I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the throbbing in my own head. “Glad you had fun conducting your ‘cultural exchange’.” I grabbed my suit from the garment bag hanging on the closet door and started getting dressed right there in the living area, not wanting to let him out of my sight. “Now, can we please focus on the seminar? I need to go over my notes…”
