Finn is Exhibit A.
After his first wife died, he was the scariest, coldest, least romantic fuck on planet Earth…and then Riley entered the picture. But Finn can be trusted to fall madly in love, whereas I can’t.
That reminder sends guilt crawling through my stomach like a swarm of slimy worms.
Of course Finnhita nerve when he told me not to fall for Kiara.
I slam my forehead against the top of the steering wheel.
My state of mind is unraveling fast. I wish I had something safe I could think about. All my thoughts lead to Kiara or Finn, and thinking about them keeps bringing me back to my ex.
Her mossy green eyes and glossy, toffee-brown hair.
That laugh I hear in my most cruel and depressing dreams.
The curve of her bare shoulders in summertime…the same one I spot on unsuspecting strangers every June through September.
It happened so long ago, I don’t know why it still affects me like this.
The ripples of tragedy keep moving, I guess…
I met her at my favorite coffee shop. She was just a regular person, or at least that’s what I believed at the time. A bright, funny, regular person who loved hazelnut lattes.
I showed up on my usual morning coffee run. She bumped into me, spilling her drink all over my shirt. When I glanced up, the harsh words died on my tongue. She was stunning in jeans that accentuated her sleek legs and a red top that dipped low enough to reveal her ample cleavage.
She apologized profusely and introduced herself. I shared my name and told her not to worry about my shirt, but she insisted on dabbing at the wet mess with napkins. A short time later, she conceded defeat and peered up at me through her lashes, biting her full lower lip. Her next words imprinted in my memory.
Do you want to come to my place to change? We can kill time while I wash your shirt.
Maybe her willingness to invite a perfect stranger into her apartment should have been a red flag. If so, I missed it. Then again, that was far from the first or last time a woman propositioned me shortly after we met.
While my shirt was in the washer, we found a way to keep busy…in her bedroom. By the time I left, I was already infatuated. She convinced me she was too.
From that point on, we were inseparable for almost a year. I hate to admit it, because I’m the idiot in this equation, but I really believed she was the one.
Us dating is going to end with two rings and an aisle, is what I used to think to myself. I was sure of it. Sure ofher.
Even though my friends had reservations.
Finn expressed concern over the way we hooked up. Darren worried about how quickly we became attached at the hip. Cian, our resident fuckboy, never said much besides a suggestion to keep my options open. They all encouraged me to slow down and take my time getting to know her, but did I listen? Hell no. I barreled full-speed ahead. When Alayna lost her job and her landlord refused to renew her lease, I moved her into the estate with me after only three months, against everyone’s advice.
In the end, they were right, and I was wrong. When I learned the truth, I felt like the biggest fool on the planet, but the damage was already done.
Anger and shame hung over me like a fog afterward, clouding my world for years. Even now, if I wander too far into my memories of her, the truth freezes me to ice and stone.
I fell for her lies, but I’m less trusting now. Once the dust settled, I vowed to never let a woman fool me again.
Bodies pass me. My head snaps up.The hell?
When did I get out of my car? I glance around. Somehow, I’m standing on a crowded street, though I don’t remember deciding to go for this walk. Am I really so stressed that I spaced out again?
That hasn’t happened to me in years.
Not since…
When my eyes fall on the building in front of me, all my misery comes full circle.
Of course I walked here on autopilot.
