Page 156 of Nine-Tenths
He put me down as easily as manhandling a sleepy toddler.
And he'd done it so gently.
I don't want his gentleness.
"I hate you so much right now," I snarl, pushing his shoulders. "Get off."
Dav stays where he is, oblong pupils blown wide, knees braced on either side of my ribs, hand in my hair like a lover. His fist flattens slowly over my heart, as if he could reach through my flesh and calm its frantic jumping.
Icy terror splashes over me.
Shit.
Fuck.
Did Onatah accidentally touch my skin when we hugged? Is Dav going to…?
He lifts my mangled wrist to his mouth to… to kiss it better?Ha!Too little, too late. Then he buries his face against my neck. He takes a long, slow inhale, his stomach expanding against mine, and drops his weight onto me by degrees. He's hard, buthe doesn't grind down, for which I'm grateful. And then I'm mad all over again, because I shouldn't be grateful when I've already told him to let me go.
"Fuck off!"
"Please, stay still," Dav says. "I need to—"
"Off!" I kick at his calves.
Dav manages to overcome his bullshit draconic instincts, and scrambles back to sit on his heels. "Colin?"
"Don't you ever do that again!" I pant, my voice coming out high and thin, reedy with fear.
"You tried to punch me—"
I crabwalk back until I'm out of grabbing range. I use one of the posts of the bed to lever myself to my feet. "Don't you ever fucking hold me down again, do you hear me?"
"Colin, please—" He stands.
"Do you hear me?"
"I hear you!" He backs into the dresser, hands up in surrender.
"Fucking right you do!" I scream, and I jab my finger through the air like a sword. I'm sweating, panting. "You don't touch me again until I invite you to, got it?"
Dav's eyes grow wide in horrified understanding. "Of course. No question."
I want Dav to be the safe option again.
I want my agency back.
He waits for me to say something.Dosomething. He's always been so polite. Waiting for me to notice his regard. Waiting for me to make the first move. Waiting for me to hold his hand, tell him we're in it together, waiting for me to be the one to kiss him. Waiting for me to invite him in.
The only thing he never let me do first was to use the 'L' word.
"Are you really well? Your wrist?" he finally asks, when I’m calmer.
He gestures at the bruise, and it elicits a small kick of fear.
I don't want to be scared of Dav!
And I absolutely don't want to resent him.
