Page 138 of From Drummer to Gamer
My parents. My game. My Matty.
And the fear of disappointing them once again made me choose my parents or more like whattheychose for me.
“I can’t do this anymore, Matty. I can’t be with you anymore,” I whispered, and I saw something break in his eyes. And that right about killed me.
“You’re breaking up with me?” he scoffed in disbelief.
I swallowed. “Yes.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You’re utterly foolish if you think I’m going to let you ever get away from me, Sierra.”
I didn’t think of that.
“Look, Matty,” I steeled my tone, locking eyes with him. “This isn’t something that my parents are making me do. This is something I decided. I’m going to be in Iona, and you’re going to be in New York, and that’s just not going to work out for me.”
“Fine, I’ll move to Iona.”
My eyes widened. “You can’t do that.”
“I can do anything.”
“But I don’t want you.”
“Oh, you want me alright.” He smirked, leaning so close that his nose touched mine, and all the air leaked out of my lungs. “If I sneak my hand between your thighs and dip my finger inside your pussy I would find you dripping wet for me, firecracker.”
I gasped, and for a moment, I lost myself in his eyes as desire scorched my cold insides, but it didn’t last long when all my doubts and fears returned.
I pressed a hand to his chest with force and stepped back, creating a good distance, and when he took a step forward, I screamed, “Stop.”
But he didn’t listen.
“If you really respect me, you would stop,” I blurted, and that made him halt, all the lightness leaving his eyes, and so did mine.
“Look, I might be attracted to you,” I continued, trying hard to keep my eyes on his so he would believe my lies. “You’re handsome and hot, and who wouldn’t be attracted to that, but that doesn’t mean anything. Anything at all, and you need to respect my wish when I say I don’t want this anymore.”
The last notes of my words hung like a gloomy cloud.
And his entire face fell.
“You really think that?” he asked, with so much vulnerability in his tone that it made my heart hurt. “You just wanted me because of the way I look? Because I’m just some celebrity you are obsessed with?”
What was he talking about?But I went with it. “Maybe,” I muttered, not breaking eye contact. And the expression on his face was something I wouldn’t forget for the rest of my life. It was going to haunt my every single night.
His eyes died, like I killed every essence of his being that kept him alive.
“You don’t want me anymore?” he whispered, his voice holding so much pain.
I want you more than anything in this world, Matty.
“Yes,” I lied.
It took a long, long minute while he kept staring at me before he nodded stiffly. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Sierra. I just wish that for once you would choose yourself and what you really want. I…I.” His dead eyes softened. “I had the best time of my life with you, firecracker. I’ll never forget you as long as I shall live.” He took one last longing look at me before he disappeared to his car and drove away, not lingering an extra second.
And just as his car disappeared down the road, a cold drop of rain fell on my face, mingling with the warm, salty tears drenching my cheeks.
I didn’t know how long I stood there in a standstill as I broke my own heart with my own fist.
Because he had it.
