Page 110 of Ride Me Cowboy
Elsie’s throat shifts as she swallows. “Even if there was truth to what happened in college, they genuinely thought he’d changed since then,” Elsie says from right beside me, her voice trembling. “That he’d grown up, and out of it, or whatever. They made him see a shrink for a few years; they really believed he was in a good place. Which is just stupid.”
Elsie fidgets with her fingers, pain obvious on her expression, but she continues, voice stoic.
“They’re his parents,” I whisper. “Of course they saw the best in him. They didn’t want to believe?—,”
Our eyes meet, watery and laced with regrets.
“Then, he met you, and he was like a whole new man. You were just…so bubbly and sweet, he seemed so happy with you, they truly believed everything was fine. It allseemedfine.”
More wishful thinking. I glance towards the window, eyes roaming the view without taking it in.
“You have to believe me, I didn’t know any of this, or I would never?—,”
“I do believe you,” I whisper, turning back to face her and putting my hand on her knee. She folds hers over the top of mine. “I did fall in love with him, Els. That night, at your party. It was never about your money.”
She visibly blanches. “Iknowthat.” She shakes her head, obviously angry with herself. “It was seeing you out there, with that guy. With those people. They all talked about you like you weretheirs,and it just, hit me kind of hard.”
Except, I’m not theirs. I never was.
“You’re my sister-in-law, you were married to my brother, and all of a sudden, these…nobodies, from my perspective…were talking about you like you were the sun and moon of their world. Then I saw you and him, and I just—I freaked out.”
“I get it,” I whisper, trying not to let her description of the Donovans and me land in my heart. I know they cared about me, but they’ll move on. I was just another Donovan stray, briefly taken in, then let go, because she committed the cardinal sin of falling in love with one of them. Of wanting more than was on offer.
“I’m surprised you’re back,” she says, reaching for her water bottle and opening it loudly, before taking a sip. “I thought you might have found a new place to hang your hat, so to speak.”
“No,” I demur, softly. “It was just somewhere to escape to for a while.” My smile is tightly forced. “A place to forget.”
“I wish you didn’t have to forget.”
“Me too.”
“Beth, I don’t know how I can make any of this up to you?—,”
“You don’t have to. I’m okay.”
She looks at me for a long time. “You don’t look okay.”
Grief bursts through my chest. I twist my hands. “I’m going to be okay. I just have to work out what the hell to do with my life.”
“Why do you have to do anything?”
I flash a weak smile at her. “Come on, Els. You know this isn’t really for me,” I wave my hand around the luxurious hotel.
“Funny,” she says, tilting her head. “You were always so good at it. You were the perfect socialite wife. At least, that’s what I thought, until I saw you out there. The way you looked when you ran up the road toward me, your hair flying behind you, all wild and?—,”
“Unhinged?” I supply, with the first laugh I’ve experienced in days.
“Free,” she supplies. “That place really suited you.”
I glance away quickly, swallowing over my grief. “It’s just somewhere I spent time.”
“And the guy?”
“Cole.” I say his name with a heaviness inside me that is equal parts crushing and hopeful.
“Right.”
I sigh. “It’s probably best if we don’t talk about him.”
