It was a larger building than I expected, decorated with flower boxes and wrought iron balconies.She can afford to live here?
Kitty fumbled with her keys so many times that she could have been Tony Romo in a miniskirt and stilettos. When she finally got the key in the front door to the building, we were faced with a whole new challenge: stairs.
In all fairness, it was only thirty steps to her floor, but to our impaired minds it might as well have been Mount Kilimanjaro.
Things were more complicated when a door started opening halfway up.
“Oh fuck,” Kitty whispered, stumbling slightly.
“What’s wrong?” I managed to squeak.
Kitty held onto the railing for dear life. “That’s my landlord, and I’m late on this month’s rent.” Alarm bells went off in all our heads.
“What do we do?” Sarah asked, panic lacing her tone.
Jade tugged down her skirt in a true act of leadership. “Get low.”
My brow raised. “How low?”
“Crawl, bitches!” she yelled so only we could hear her—we hoped. In seconds we were all on our hands and knees.
“This hurts,” Sarah whined as we neared the top of the staircase.
“Shocking, I thought you’d be used to being on your knees by now.” Kitty laughed as she pushed herself off the floor and wobbled onto her feet. “Careful, guys, the floor is kind of unstable.”
“That’s just the tequila, stupid,” Jade mumbled before climbing the rest of the way.
“If you call me stupid, I’m not gonna let you play with my toys,” Kitty warned, waving her finger at her.
And just like that, I was transported back to kindergarten.
“Guys,” I hissed, trying to steady myself, “I think the stairs are a fucking time machine.”
Jade scoffed and helped me get off the floor. Kitty struggled to find the keyhole while we all complained for her to hurry up and get it in.
Suddenly, a door on the other side of the hall started to creak open. We froze like deer in highlights. I was certain it was the end of my short life, right when it started getting exciting too.
I don’t remember why I was so convinced death was upon me, but I can recall the two men peeking out of the door across the hall.
“Oh,” Kitty sighed in relief. “It’s just my sexy neighbor.”
“Neighbor?” I asked. “Singular neighbor?” It then became clear I was fucked up.
Jade whistled at the man who was trying to decipher what exactly he had walked in on. “Hey, baby. You want to come in for a drink?”
Kitty elbowed her in the boob, and she let out anoof.
“He’s married,” she hissed.
Jade was completely unfazed and leaned against the wall with the intent to be sexy. For any sober mind, she probably just looked like a drooling mess.
“You into Hispanics?” she asked. “Cause I’m the Juan.”
We lost it. I was doubled over in laughter by the time Kitty finally opened the door. We poured in, one right after the other. I was still giggling when I noticed her fuzzy pink rug and mismatched furniture calling to me. I hurried to the sofa, claiming a spot near the window.
The next few hours were a colorful blur, and I wasn’t positive there wasn’t something in my drink. When Kitty retrieved her package from the bedroom, we gathered around to see the toys.
“Tara,” Sarah tried to pry my attention off the bottle of wine in front of me. “You ever deepthroat a guy?”
