I get the sub-text. It’s not always easy for omegas to tell the difference between what feels good, and what is good for us when it comes to our needs.
“Well, the last time I listened to my hormones, I ended up bonded to Lee Morrison.” Just saying his name aloud makes my stomach churn, but it’s not as bad as the aftershocks thattormented me in the dark weeks following my unbonding. I was convinced I couldfeelhis newfound happiness, like the phantom pain an amputee suffers from a severed limb. “I can promise you, Dr. Green, I’m never making that mistake again.”
Another ripple of concern flashes across her face. “I know you feel that way now, but things could get very unpredictable for you, Kate. Is there any way you can take some time off? Go somewhere for a few weeks, if only for a change of scenery?”
This time I can’t even laugh. The urge to flee has been riding me hard ever since I was publicly dumped at Suzanna LaGrange’s garden party. But I’m wearing my Liberty Hotel housekeeping uniform for a reason – I had to squeeze this appointment into my lunch break. “I work every day to cover a bunch of home renovations I don’t want and can’t afford. I’m stuck. At least until the repo guys return to rip the clothes off my back.”
“Kate…”
I take a ragged breath, squeezing my hands in my lap. They scratch on the ugly polyester of my uniform skirt, and I grimace. Gone are the days of designer clothes and monthly manicures, my nails now blunt, and my palms dotted with hard calluses. “I’m sorry for dumping all this on you, Dr. Green. I know you’re just trying to help.”
She sits back in her chair, and while neither of us speak, it doesn’t feel like a judgmental silence. I close my eyes and just sink into it, snatching this rare moment where I can let down my guard and justbe. I expected the loneliness when Lee left, and the empty echoes in our house still keep me up at night, but I wasn’t prepared for the bone-deep exhaustion. Not just because I’m always working to stay ahead of my debts, but because I can’t escape the endless whirr of my own dark thoughts. The truth is, if I was granted a wish right now, it would be to escapemyself.
When I open my eyes, Dr. Green is reaching into a drawer and pulling out a glossy brochure for something called Safe Haven. “I’m not sure if this will appeal to you, Kate, but there’s always the option of a heat surrogacy. It’s a fairly new concept, but I’ve heard that some clinicians are having a lot of success with it.”
She pushes it towards me, and I see a picture of a beautiful woman sitting on a sofa with three strapping men fanned out behind her. The look of smug entitlement on her face reminds me painfully of Suzanna LaGrange -only there should befouralphas, not three,a little voice mocks me - and I’m tempted to shred the picture into violent confetti.
“In a surrogacy situation,” the doctor goes on, unaware of my bitter thoughts, “unbonded omegas are matched with packs who have, through a variety of reasons, lost their own omega. Companies like Safe Haven see you through your heat, and in return, you give the pack a bonding experience, for want of a better word.”
I raise my brows, momentarily distracted from the glossy picture. “Seriously? Packs pay for this?”
“Extremely well. I haven’t looked into all the details, but I believe the fee is in the range of twenty thousand dollars, and the majority of that goes directly to the omega.”
I almost choke at such an insane amount, but for a moment I imagine what that could mean. Maybe it won’t be enough to completely finish the renovations, but it would put a good dent in them. I might even be able to take a few days off so I can focus on my mental health instead of other people’s bonding gowns and hotel rooms.
I press a finger to the brochure, my stomach tightening as I stare at the omega’s radiant face. “The money’s tempting, obviously, but I don’t think I could do that. Having experienced the real thing, it would feel almost like cheating to do it with strangers.”
I don’t share my other reason, but it’s there, always playing in the back of my mind. Since Lee left, every time an alpha so much as glances my way, I avert my eyes. The thought of him deciding I don’t measure up to whatever he’s looking for makes my stomach lining burn with fresh rejection.
Not that alphas look at me much anyway. Why would they? Along with my heat cycles, my scent was damaged in the unbonding process. It seems that in some rare cases, when your mate casts you aside, they not only rupture your bond but also strip you of your natural perfume. I’d always prided myself on my orange blossom scent, but now I smell as bitter as a cold cup of coffee. Thankfully, Dr. Green gives me suppressants to hide it, but it’s still a little piece of me that I mourn every single day.
“I just don’t think I could bear another disappointment.”
The truth is, I’m barely hanging on to the last fragments of me, and a bad heat will probably shatter me past repair.
“I understand,” Dr. Green says kindly, “but I still think it’s worth exploring. In fact, I went ahead and invited a team member from Safe Haven down here. If you want to have a chat, he’s waiting in the exam room next door.”
I blink at her, the refusal burning on my tongue. But she’s been so good to me, and went to the effort of making the appointment… I glance at my watch, gauging how much time I have before my supervisor decides to dock my pay. “I guess I could, but it would have to be quick.”
“I’m sure he won’t mind.”
I’m still doubtful, but I put the prescription in the pocket of my uniform and head next door to the exam room. I try to plaster a polite smile on my face, but as soon as I recognize the guy waiting for me, it fades into a grimace. Seriously?Hasn’t the universe already screwed with me enough?
In my senior year of college, Lachlan Cook was a regular fixture in my life. Despite being a beta, he lived in thealpha frat house and was one of Lee’s closest friends. I was studying fashion while he and Lee were getting their business degrees, and Lachlan never failed to warn me that most fashion graduates ended up working retail. One night after too many drinks, he also told me that Lee wasn’t the ‘sticking around’ sort, and I’d been so angry, I wouldn’t let Lee invite him to our bonding ceremony. The last I heard, he went back to Chicago straight after graduation, and he and Lee drifted out of touch.
“Hi, stranger.” He rises to his feet, his gaze sweeping over me as he holds out his hand. I’m painfully aware of how I look in my drab uniform, while Lachlan is wearing a tailored suit that fits his six-foot frame like a sleek glove. He played football in college – starting quarterback, no less – and he still has that golden glow from being one of the most sought-after athletes on campus. Humiliation bubbles up inside of me, and I can barely meet his gaze as he says, “As soon as Dr. Green told me your name, I hustled down here as fast as I could.”
“I bet you did.” I ignore his hand and fold my arms across my chest. “I’m really not comfortable doing this, Lachlan. Sorry to waste your time.”
“Why? About being uncomfortable, I mean?”
He looks genuinely curious, and I give a harsh laugh. “Well, you were right about Lee, obviously. Hedidn’tstick around. And I really don’t want to sit here and rehash old times with one of his besties.”
“I was never his bestie,” he replies, frowning. “In fact, when he asked me to stand up with him at your bonding ceremony, I told him to break it off with you.”
“You didwhat?”
He doesn’t flinch at my wide-eyed fury. “He was an asshole, even back then. I knew he wasn’t good enough for you, Kate.”
