Page 78 of Yesterday I Cared
And now I'm facing the consequences. The second he walks out the door, I feel like it's the beginning of goodbye.
My back is still to the door when I hear him come back into the room. A second later, I feel Lezak curl into the bend of my legs. It pulls a small smile from me, the way he doesn't care about personal space like his owner.
I lie completely still, listening as he finishes moving around the room to gather the rest of his things. Hearing the sound of his bag zipping is like nails on a chalkboard. I squeeze my eyes shut when I feel him kneel on the bed, leaning toward me.
A warm hand gently squeezes my arm. "Baby," he whispers, squeezing again. "Wake up, gorgeous."
"Hmm?" I roll over, disturbing the puppy in the process, but I try my best to act like I'd just woken up. I blink up at him sleepily. "What's going on?"
His smile is soft, adoring even. He pushes a strand of hair from my face. My eyes flutter closed as his skin brushes my temple. "Hi, baby. You can go back to sleep, but I wanted to tell you goodbye and that I'll miss you."
My eyes drift closed again when he presses a kiss to my lips. I want to reach out, pull him back into bed, and refuse to let him go. Once I have him back in my arms, I'll beg him not to go.
Instead of doing that, I kiss him once more and ask him to keep me updated. “I love you” is on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow it down. He gives me one more kiss and another pet to Lezak before he's leaving.
I listen as he moves through the house. I don't hear the front door open or close, which makes me hold my breath. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he isn't actually leaving, and he'll be back in my arms any second.
But then I hear the garage door open and the sound of his SUV starting.
The tears are falling before I even know they've welled up. It's so stupid to be crying over this. I don't even know what's going to happen. It's not like he stood in front of me and declared he was moving back to California. It's not like he told me he was choosing a different state over me.
But I do know history repeats itself and my history shows that people never stick around forever. And history also tells me Ronan O'Brien doesn't stick around in one place for too long, regardless of who he leaves behind.
And this time, it looks like I'm the one he's leaving.
“Shit,” I curse under my breath.
Lezak lifts his head, watching me frantically pick up piles of notebooks and other things thrown over Ronan’s counter in search of my phone. The ringing stops but picks back up seconds later. Which tells me it’s Ronan, and he’s trying to tell me to take a break. Which, when I glance at the time on my laptop, I realize I haven’t done for a couple of hours.
“Aha!” I declare, showing the dog my phone. He looks unimpressed, dropping his head back to his paws. I answer the phone. “Your dog has a problem with judging people.”
Ronan’s deep laugh echoes in my ear. I’d give anything to be in his arms right now, feeling the way that laugh rumbles through his chest. His arms would hold me tighter. It’s fine, though. I need to wait a few more hours. A few more hours and he’ll be back home.
“Is he actually judging you or are you doing something ridiculous in front of him, only to be disappointed in his lack of validation?”
I sputter at the joke that hits too close to home, and he laughs again. “Therapy isn’t until Monday, Ronan,” I grumble. “You’re lucky I’m letting you get away with a joke like that.”
“I know. I thought only Josie would be able to.”
“And you were willing to risk it?”
“Eh,” he says, probably with a shrug of his shoulders. “What’s that saying about no guts, no glory? Besides, your reaction helped me prove a point to myself.”
“Oh, yeah?” I lean back in my chair. “And what point would that be?”
“That you like me,” he says smugly.
Well, two can play that game. “Gee, what gave it away? The fact I’m on the phone with you or the fact I moved into your stupidly big condo for the week you’ve been in California?”
“About California…”
Everything shifts. He goes from lighthearted to unnervingly quiet. Warning lights are flashing in my mind, telling me to brace for the impact I’ve been ignoring but subconsciously waiting for. Ronan is the type of person who belongs in California, after all.
“I need to extend my trip.” The statement feels like a stab through my heart. I didn’t brace hard enough. “Only for two days. Can you watch Lezak for a couple more days?”
The life I allowed myself to dream of is starting to crumble around me. And the only person I have to blame for it is myself. I can’tbelieve I let myself do this again, let myself actually believe that a woman like me could get someone like Ronan to stick around.
He must take my silence as a no. “It’s okay if you’re busy, babe. I can see if Bryce or Carter can take him—”
