Page 72 of Yesterday I Cared
She gnaws at her bottom lip, eyes suddenly glistening with the tears. From how she’s fighting to hold them back, I know I’ve hit a nerve. “It sounds like you put a lot of pressure on yourself.”
I nod. “And I’m starting to think you know something about that?”
With a groan, she drops her head into her hands, eyes shutting on the way. My heart aches for her, for all she’s been through. I see a lot of myself in this young woman and want to help her in a way no one helped me. She deserves to be in control of her life, chasing afterwhat she wants instead of giving it up to be who someone else needs her to be.
All the work I put into my schooling was never enough for anyone. Never enough for my parents, who wanted nothing short of perfection. Never enough for my teachers or coaches, who wanted my time and attention focused on different things. But Emmie still has a chance. She’s surrounded by people who want her to find balance, to learn how to prioritize her own happiness.
I nudge her with the toe of my boot. “You know, your brother is pretty badass.”
She looks at me, a few tears making their way down her cheeks. “Is he? Because he gave up everything to move here and take care of me.”
“He didn’t give up anything, Emmie.” I frown. “He made this decision because he wants to do what’s best for you. He didn’t want to make you give up swimming, school, your friends, your life, move somewhere new.”
“He shouldn’t have had to make that decision! I should have been able to handle it!” Her head drops back into her hands, but this time, her shoulders start shaking with sobs. “I shouldn’t need his help.”
I drop to the floor before her, ready to offer whatever comfort I can. The water on the damp concrete instantly soaks through my jeans, sending a shiver down my spine. “Hey, no, Emmie. Look at me, sweetheart.” Teary eyes barely meet my own gaze. “You are fifteen years old—you shouldn’t have to raise yourself and parent your own mother. That was her job, and she failed you both. If Liam had it his way, you would have never been stuck there for as long as you were. You know that. Why do you think he’d feel any differently now?”
A shaky hand comes up to aggressively wipe at her eyes. “I wanted to prove to him I could do it the way he did. It was his turn to makeit out and have a life for himself, which he had. I was supposed to take care of everything. I didn’t want to be the reason he got pulled back in. He gave up his life for me!”
“No.” I shake my head, squeezing her knee. “He wanted to get you out. He wanted to give you the life you deserved, but she wouldn’t let him. She kept you apart for her own selfish reasons.”
“And then I went and messed it all up,” she cries. “He’s going to hate me, Mia.”
I push the hair out of her face as gently as I can, the locks already tangling from the chlorinated air. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re a child. You’re supposed to be building your life.”
“And I took his away from him!”
“Emmie, listen to me. Your brother is never going to hate you or resent the fact that you brought him here. Do you really think Ronan would let you be with someone like that? He’d tell Penny in an instant and fight like hell to get you somewhere else. Liam is so proud of how strong you are, but he doesn’t want you to feel like you have to be strong forever. He wants you to enjoy the rest of your childhood and to make a new life together.
“I want you to talk to your brother about this, because you shouldn’t be putting this much pressure on yourself. You don’t have to prove something to him or prove you’re worthy of his love. Do you understand me?”
She nods, hiccupping slightly. “What if I can’t get a scholarship?”
Dear god, this girl is bound and determined to break my heart. “Is that why you want to quit? Because you’re scared it’s not going to pay off in a monetary way?”
She hesitates before crumbling. “I want to go to college, Mia. I want to be better than my mom.”
“And you’re going to do that, Emmie. No one here doubts that, but you cannot put this much pressure on yourself. Do you thinkLiam isn’t worried about what happens in three years? Of course he is. Everyone here is invested in your future; we’re invested in the future of every kid that walks through that door, but swimming isn’t the only thing that matters.”
“It could open so many doors for me, though.” She frowns, sounding exactly like Ronan.
“But it won’t do that if you hate it,” I counter. She deflates a little, almost like I voiced something she was already thinking. “You’re a great student, Emmie. You’re wickedly smart, and swimming will add to that. There is more than one path to your future. Let me ask you a question, if there were no swimming scholarships in the world but the sport required the same level of commitment, would you want to quit?”
She’s shaking her head before I even finish asking the question. “No, I love it.”
“Then don’t run away from it because you’re scared.” I squeeze her knee again. “Take the day off, go home, and talk to your brother about all this. Then, we’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll tell Ronan you changed your mind.”
She groans. “He’s going to be so mad at me.”
“Not a chance,” I say, standing. “He’s going to get it, Emmie, because he knows what it’s like to be in your shoes.”
The only difference is that Emmie is fighting for a future; Ronan fought for the love and acceptance of his family. I’ll never say that to her, though. That’s his secret to share.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I promise her, with a smile.
Nodding, she goes back to packing her bag. I’m on my way back out onto the pool deck when she calls my name. When I turn back, she’s shyly smiling. “Thanks for talking to me.”
“Anytime, kiddo.”
