Page 34 of Yesterday I Cared
Her gaze softens. “She feels guilty, Ronan. We both do. She’s happy you finally told her, which led to me finding out, but there’s still guilt there. We don’t see you any differently or anything like that. We have to come to terms with someone we care about being in that much pain, even if it was years ago.”
“Mia doesn’t care about me, Josie. She’s made that loud and clear. Baking me bread and spending time with my dog doesn’t change that. Plus, I don’t want pity.”
“Oh, my god.” She groans, kicking her head back. “You two are the most annoying idiots I’ve ever known. And I’m dating Bryce—that should tell you something.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know you care for her,” Josie insists, her tone completely changing. “At least as a friend, but I suspect as more than a friend. And I think it’s always been that way with you.”
“I never denied anything.” I shrug. “The problem isn’t me, though. It’s Mia and her ability to hold a grudge. A grudge over something I’m clueless about. I want to fix it, but she’s not exactly playing a fair game here.”
“That’s a sign she cares, Ronan. Look, you’re not the only one who’s had something traumatic happen in the years since you’ve seen one another. There’s a reason she took a significant pay cut and step back in her career to be here. She’s not going to let her guard down so easily again.”
“Well, I don’t think she’s going to let me in.”
“And I’m not telling you what happened to get her here, but it was bad.” Josie looks over my shoulder, smile widening as she waves. I turn to see Mia walking toward us. Her steps falter slightly when she sees me sitting there. Josie’s getting up when I face forward. “All I’ll say is my boyfriend is a stubborn asshole for the people he loves. He doesn’t like to see them hurting.”
“Wait, what does—”
“Well,” she declares loudly, “I need to get home and go full gremlin mode. I’ll never publish a book if I don’t write it!”
“Did you seriously come here at seven o’clock in the morning to bring me coffee?” I question. “You hate mornings.”
“I sure do.” She grins. “Just remember this moment if you ever question how much I love you, friend!”
Shaking my head, I finish off my sandwich while Josie and Mia talk briefly. The footsteps behind me grow louder before a shadow falls over the table. Mia is taking her best friend’s spot. “How much do you want to bet she gets no writing done and is fast asleep within the hour?”
“Without a doubt,” I agree.
Mia looks tired as she rests her chin in her palm, squinting at me. It’s already starting to get hot out, and I wouldn’t normally chooseto sit in the sun to drink my coffee, but there’s a peacefulness here I don’t want to break.
“You told me something really shitty the other day,” she says.
I ball up my trash and set it aside, focusing fully on her. “I did.”
“I don’t…This doesn’t mean we’re friends or everything is magically okay, Ronan.” She frowns. “I’m still mad about the past. I believe you when you say you don’t know what I’m talking about, but I do, and I’m not ready to talk to you about it.”
I press my lips into a thin line, trying to keep my frustrations at bay. She’s talking to me, at least that’s something. “I can’t fix it if I don’t know what it is.”
“I know.” She nods. “I just…I won’t hold that against you, okay?”
Resigned, I nod slowly. “What does this have to do with the shitty thing I told you the other day?”
“I want to share a shitty thing that happened to me.”
“This isn’t a competition, Mia. We don’t need to compare trauma.”
She looks startled at the idea. “That’s not what I want to do at all!”
Exhaustion is seeping into my bones. I’m tired of this back and forth with Mia that seems to never get us anywhere. “Then why tell me?”
“I can’t talk to you about what happened between us right now—”
“I know.” I groan, dropping my head into my hands. “I get it, Mia!”
“But,” she stresses, “that doesn’t mean I won’t ever want to talk about it. If I tell you my shitty thing, I’m hoping it’ll be proof to you that I’m working on being ready because there are only three people who know the whole story besides me, and that’s Josie, Bryce, and my therapist.”
Hope and despair are weird feelings to have fighting against each other in the pit of my stomach. On one hand, Mia just told me I could still get forgiveness and the chance to fix things, but she wants to share something that changed her forever. And if there’s one thing I’m not sure I’d ever be able to handle, it’s seeing Mia’s heartbreak. I know from experience that every time you tell a story like this, that’s exactly what happens.
