Page 25 of Yesterday I Cared
The organization, I’ve heard of. It was just gaining traction when Josie and I stepped back from the sport. Operation Fly was a charitable organization specifically aimed at helping kids get access to the swim lessons and teams they wouldn’t have otherwise. Whether through local clubs or schools, the organization offers clinics, and scholarships to get these young swimmers the chances they wouldn’t otherwise have.
She just needs a chance. A chance we can give her.
Ronan’s voice repeating those words are playing like a record in my mind. They sounded familiar when he’d stood in Bryce’s office saying them, asking us to give Emmie a chance. I didn’t connect the dots before. Out of every Olympian we knew, Ronan was the last one I’d expect to be behind something like this.
“Ronan swam freestyle.” God, that was such a dumb thing to say because what he swam and what he, apparently, named his organization doesn’t have to go hand-in-hand.
“Maybe he named it that on purpose,” Josie says with a shrug, examining her nails before bringing out a file.
I can’t help but frown as my eyes follow her. How long has she known and not told me?
And because she can read my mind, she frowns right back. “Did you not know?”
“No! What could possibly make you think I knew that?”
“I thought you knew! You were the one who was always doing research into stuff like this—deciding what organizations we wanted to support. You’ve donated to Operation Fly. I figured you knew and didn’t want to talk about it.”
“I did do research, but this never came up. There was nothing pointing this whole nationwide thing to him.”
“You kind of have to go digging for it.” Both Josie and I turn to Kat. I’d almost forgotten she was the one to bring this all up in thefirst place. “When Carter told me about it, I got curious. I think I was on their website, clicking around, for almost an hour before I even saw his name. Then it took even more digging to find out what his actual tie to the organization is.”
Every single thing I was thinking back at the club an hour ago weighs heavily on my heart. Everything I said to him the day he saw Emmie feels like a punch to my gut. I’d been wrong. Not only had he gone on to do something amazing, but he also fought hard to keep the credit from coming back to him. I’d been accusing him of being someone so different when the truth was right in front of me all this time.
Josie nudges my leg with her foot when I’ve apparently been lost in thought for too long. “Did you really not know?”
Staring down at the mask that’s still in my hand, I shake my head. “I had no idea.”
Kat doesn’t hesitate to introduce comfort. “I don’t think he’ll blame you for that, Mia. Especially because he’s worked hard to keep his name off of it. He wants to do something good for the kids. During my deep dive, I also saw a lot of photos of him working directly with the kids. He’s not just some president that funds the thing and runs; he puts the work in.”
“Which is why Carter and Bryce fought so hard to get him here,” Josie explains. “Ronan needed to make sure he could step away, which apparently, he can. He was able to leave the day-to-day running to his vice president, Mel.”
I turn to look at Katrina with pleading eyes. “Please tell me you have ice cream.”
Her eyes brighten as she jumps up, mask momentarily forgotten. “Oh, yeah, we got ice cream. I’ll be right back.”
“Hey,” Josie murmurs when she’s sure Kat is out of earshot. “I want to remind you that you knew Ronan. Once upon a time, weall knew him for who he is. Don’t let whatever bullshit reputation he allowed to be put out there influence you away from that. I can promise you he’s still the same guy he was back then, better even.”
“But what happened?” I ask, frowning. “What made him disappear from the sport and decide not to tell anyone about this?”
Josie shifts in her seat, which tells me a serious conversation is about to happen. “We’re best friends, and best friends tell each other the hard truth, right?” I hesitate before nodding. “Think about the last time you saw him, when everything changed, whether it was warranted, or not. Think about how you treated him. If you were him, would you want to reach out when you suddenly give up your whole world? Because that’s what Bryce tells me it feels like, especially when it’s not your choice.”
“No,” I whisper. “I wouldn’t reach out to me if I were him, either.”
“I’m not saying you need to forgive him, Mia. That’s your business. But stop punishing yourself and him. If you can’t forgive him, let the past go. It shouldn’t matter anymore.”
But it does matter!I want to scream.It will always matter.Because I’m pretty sure there will be some part of me that’s always in love with him, but hating the person who broke your heart is always easier than facing the pain. Ronan was my first taste of someone wanting me exactly how I am, and he was also my first taste of being left for not being enough.
“I don’t know if I can let it go, Jos,” I admit. “I—I still don’t want to tell you about it, but it was bad. It was the kind of hurt that you can’t bounce back from. When he says he doesn’t know what happened, he’s not lying. Because…he doesn’t know the truth. He doesn’t know what I know.”
She squeezes my hand, and the look she’s giving me is so damn sad and soft. Like I’m a puppy in a shelter she’s trying toconvince Bryce to adopt to complete their small, child-free family. “Then don’t let it go for him; let it go for yourself. Don’t carry this anger anymore, bestie. It’s not worth it. You deserve more.”
“I’ve got ice cream!” Katrina dances into the room, showing off the various pints like the prize they are. Something tells me she had stood back long enough for Josie and me to wrap up our conversation. “Okay, Mia, what flavor do you want? I got you salty caramel and double cookie dough.”
“Yes, please,” I reply, reaching my hand out for both pints. Laughing, Katrina hands them over with a spoon before depositing the chocolate flavors to Josie and keeping the fruity ones for herself. She collapses back in her spot. “Okay, who wants to talk about how shitty men are?”
I pop the lid off the caramel ice cream. “Oh, please, you’re both in amazingly healthy and loving relationships.”
“Doesn’t mean they don’t piss us off,” Kat replies. “Josie, you’re up first. Spill.”
