Page 5 of Unwrapped
“Do you…truly want out of our relationship?”
He could hear Adam breathing on the other line and held his own as he waited for Adam to answer.Jack understood entirely in that moment what he’d put Adam through over the past few months, probably the last few years.He would completely understand if Adam didn’t want to continue being hurt.Jack’s own feelings aside, he would accept Adam’s decision because if he felt he couldn’t continue with Jack, Jack would let him go and wish him all the happiness in the world.Or he hoped he would.
“No, but it hurts to be ignored.”
Jack breathed a sigh of relief.He needed to change or he would lose Adam.
“I’m going to make it up to you.I want to prove to you that I can change and by Christmas if you don’t believe that…then I’ll let you go.”
“Is that whatyouwant?”
“No.I can’t imagine loving anyone but you.And while we’re apart, I’m going find a therapist to work on my issues.There’s something holding me back from exactly who I want to be and be with, and I need help to find out what that is.”
There was a choked sound on the other line before Adam grew silent.
“I know I’m fucked up and the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you, but that’s exactly what I did.I can’t get past my own mind, so I need some help.This time, I won’t take you for granted.”
“Are you afraid to admit your sexuality?”
“I suppose I am.Adam, although it looked as though I slept with a lot of women, there has only been a few.Mainly it was camouflage.But I felt like I found myself the first time I kissed you.I knew then I was gay and that you are the only man I will ever want.”
Adam sighed.“You’re being surprisingly open about this.”
“The moment I heard the door shut and I realized you left…It was the worst moment of my life.I could take seeing my father every day and listen to his bullshit, but I never want to feel what I felt when you left.And knowing that I drove you to it makes it worse.So much worse.”
Jack took a deep breath and continued.“I just hope you’ll take me back if I prove to you that I can change.”
Holding his breath, he waited for Adam’s answer.Everything lost meaning the moment Adam walked out the door and Jack needed confirmation that he had a chance.
“Yes.”
Jack breathed out and closed his eyes as the fist squeezing his heart for most of the morning, released its painful hold.
“I know your busy Monday and Tuesday nights, but I wondered if I could bring you dinner on Wednesday after work and we could talk?”
Adam answered immediately.“I would like that.”
Jack mentally arranged his to-do list and realized that Wednesday was three long days away.“I’ll miss you.”
“We could always call and text.I won’t be too busy for you.”
“Thanks for talking to me, even though I’m not sure I deserved it.I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll miss you, too.Talk to you soon, Jack.”
“I love you, Adam.And I’m sorry.”
“I know, Jack.”
Soon, they disconnected and Jack felt empty.The quiet of the house felt oppressive.At this time on their typical Saturday, Jack would wake with Adam in his arms.He loved how peacefully Adam slept, usually with his head cradled on Jack’s shoulder and his leg thrown over one of his, as Jack listened to his breathing and felt the heat from his skin against his own.
They would wake, usually when Jack kissed Adam until he blinked his eyes open and smiled at him.Adam would return the kiss before he would drag Jack down to the kitchen for a pot of coffee and they would work together to make breakfast.
Those quiet moments, when it was just the two of them, was what Jack missed the most as he sat in his quiet office, contemplating the number of ways he’d fucked up.Tired of hurting Adam, he gritted his teeth and started.
He opened his laptop and spent the next hour searching for a therapist that would fit him and who he could feel comfortable with talking about his past.After searching, he came back to an online site that he found promising.He scheduled a video call and although he was hesitant to open up to a stranger, he knew that something had to change.And he didn’t want to hurt Adam any longer.
With his mind made up, he started the video call.
