“Nigga, don’t act like I didn’t handle shit while you were down. Don’t get beside yourself.”
“What you did Perc? I always gotta fix some shit. When I hand everything over to you, I told you I didn’t want no parts of the streets no more yet I’m still doing street shit. Why? ‘Cause you too fuckin’ childish and you mishandle shit.”
I wasn’t sure where the nigga attitude was coming from. He had a lot to get off his chest and I guess I was the fucking target. I stood up to leave before we got to throwing blows and I didn’t want to take it there with him. The respect I had for him too much.
“I’mma leave before we ended up tearing this shit up in here. Whatever got you on edge you need to check it. Maybe you need to go on this vacation with me, and we’ll handle this shit when we get back.”
“I got a lot going on. My bad for biting your head off,” Lucky sat down.
“It’s all good. You trying to keep everyone safe and I get it. Y’all pack some shit up and let's get out the city for a few days. That way we can clear our heads and come back and handle this shit.”
Lucky looked around at the shit scattered everywhere and nodded his head before shutting everything off and walking out the door with me.
My whole attitude on life had changed. It was like I woke up one morning and realized that Lucky was too good for me and I didn’t deserve him. I treated him like shit and today, I was willing to have the talk with him to let him go. Not that I wanted to, but I knew I didn’t deserve him. Even with me getting myself together and trying to heal on the issues that I was dealing with. The loss of my son, my mother and then another child was a lot. Not mention finding out that the man you thought was your father, not be your father at all. That was a lot for any human to deal with. It turned me into a fucking bitch and I was getting tired of myself.
We were on vacation in Orlando. The kids were still sleeping from the busy day we had yesterday at Disney. I was still tried too but I promised Merci that we would cook breakfast together.It was our way of bonding and since she asked, I couldn’t say no. Lucky was sleeping so peacefully with Kani that I didn’t want to get out of bed. I wanted to lay here and enjoy what could possibly be our last time together. I smiled at both of them with their durags on. Kani didn’t need one on with all the hair he had but Lucky swore he was going to train his waves early.
I got up and slipped on my robe to meet Merci in the kitchen. She had already sent the text and told me she was down there. I brushed my teeth and cleansed my face before I walked in the kitchen to Merci singing along with the radio. This was the first time I saw her happy since she been home. I saw the depression and sadness she was dealing with, but I had my own shit going on that I couldn’t help her with her problems.
“You in a good mood.”
“I think I really needed this time away. Why you look so damn sad?”
I flopped down on the stool and put my face in my hands. “I think I’m going to let Lucky go today.”
“Please don’t start this bullshit today. I told you, you selfish as fuck.”
“No, not like that. I mean let's be real. He’s way too good for me and you know it. I treated him like shit. I’m sure there’s someone out there that will treat his ass better than I ever could.”
Merci slammed the bacon down on the counter and washed her hands. “Bitch listen to me. I’m sick of you when it comes to this relationship. The man married you and you divorced him. I get why, but you again were thinking of yourself. He brings his ass back to you after everything you’ve done and now you just wanna break the nigga heart again? When the fuck you stop? Y’all have a family, Blessyn. If he didn’t want you, he wouldn’t be here. Stop overthinking it. From today on, change and be a better person for you, him and Kani. Do something nice for himfor once. He’s always doing something for you. Do something for him.”
“Damn!”
“Somebody got to get your ass together. I love my brother-in-law, and I know if I ever needed him, he’ll come running. I wish you would fully love him like you used to. Now get your fat ass up and help me before everyone wakes up hungry.”
We finished breakfast before everyone woke up. Perc was the first one up and a few minutes later everyone was up. The children were playing as we got the plates ready for everyone. Since we had been here, Perc and Lucky were acting distant. I wasn’t sure what was going on with them, but I was going to find out. They talked but it wasn’t like they usually would. Something was bothering Lucky, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was.
After breakfast, he went out back where the pool was and sat by himself. I stood in the window watching him roll a blunt and sit back. He kept rubbing the sides of his head. Picking Kani up and took him to Merci to watch while I went out and talked to Lucky. As I approached him, he flashed me a smile, but I knew that was a cover up. Even he couldn’t hide when something was wrong. He opened his legs for me sit and rest my back on his chest. I laid there for a minute before I opened my mouth.
“What’s going on with you?” I asked sitting between his legs.
“Nothing, I’m good. We are good.”
“Lucky, you’re not good. I know you don’t think I pay attention, but I know when something is wrong with you.”
“Ain’t your birthday coming up?”
“Stop trying to deflect.”
“I’m not. I’m just trying to figure out what we gon’ do. You’re not pregnant anymore so we can do whatever.”
I hated it when I was trying to be serious and he deflected because he didn’t want to talk about the matters at hand.
“I woke up this morning and planned on telling you that we needed to break things off between us. I hadn’t been the best person to you, and I thought you deserved someone better than me. I was willing to let it all go to see you happy, but you can't even tell me if you’re happy or not. When I’m genuinely concerned, you can’t talk to me.”
“You should never have to question my love for you or my son. You know I’m happy. Shit, I don’t have to hide that. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Do you have some things to work on, hell yeah? I do too. Just like you forgave me for pulling the trigger on Kj, I forgive you for all the evil shit you did to me. I looked at it like get back. I never took that shit personal. I just wanted you to look me in my eyes and tell me the truth.”
“So why is it that you can’t tell me what's going on?”
