Page 70 of Cinder & Secrets
“But that doesn’t answer the most important question, Char. Why didn’tyou? You had so many opportunities. Even if River asked you not to, you’remybest friend. I trusted you.” Her voice breaks, bringing fresh tears boiling to the surface.
“I know. And I’m so sorry, Ly. So fucking sorry. Just tell me what I can do. I’ll do anything.”
“There’s nothing you can do. You broke my trust. And the worst part is, I wouldn’t have cared about you and River. Hell, I would have been happy for you. But you didn’t give me the chance.”
“I didn’t know... I wanted to tell you. But... I wanted him more,” I let myself admit, emotion clogging my throat, making it difficult to pull in a breath. “The way he makes me feel, Lyric.It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s exhilarating and breathtaking and terrifying all at the same time.”
“You’re in love with him.”
I open my mouth to disagree, to tell her there’s no truth to her statement, but that would just be another lie, I quickly realize. Because no matter how hard I’ve fought against it, or how many times I’ve denied it, even when I’ve felt it deep in my bones, I can’t ignore the truth any longer.
“I am.” I swipe at the tear that streaks down my cheek. “I’m in love with him.” Saying it out loud is like taking in a deep breath of air after being underwater for too long. Like seeing the sun after weeks of being trapped in the dark. Like feeling the grass under my feet after feeling nothing but harsh rock and stone.
I hear movement behind me, too late I realize, as I glance behind me to find a wide-eyed River, his mouth slightly agape, an unreadable expression on his handsome face.
“Seems I’m not the only one you’ve been lying to.” Lyric draws my attention back to her. “I’ll let you two talk.” Without giving me time to say anything more, she takes off across the lawn.
“Why did you say that to her?” River asks from behind me, and I feel his eyes staring holes into my back.
Turning slowly, I force myself to meet his gaze.
“Because it’s the truth.” I lift my shoulder in a semblance of a shrug. “I’m in love with you.” My chin quivers as I say it, fear and relief swirling together in an unsettling combination, making me feel sick to my stomach.
“Why didn’t you tellmethat?”
“Would it have changed anything?” I ask.
The look he gives me says it all. No, it wouldn’t have. Defeat settles deep in my bones, making me feel heavy with exhaustion.
“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” I murmur under my breath loud enough that he can still hear me.
“I just...” He scrubs his hands down his face.
“It’s okay. I knew what this was. Hell, I asked for it. You don’t owe me anything.”
“Char...”
“Please don’t make this any worse than it already is. Maybe we should take this as a sign.”
“A sign of what?”
“That our time together has run its course.”
“Is that what you want?” He stares at me intently, his hunter-green eyes so devastatingly beautiful I have to bite back that sob that threatens to peel itself free from my throat.
“Does it matter if it isn’t?” I fight the tears that linger against my lashes, begging for them not to fall.
“I don’t want this to be over.”
“Neither do I.” I bite down on my bottom lip to keep the damn thing from quivering.
“Then don’t do this.” He takes a step toward me. “Lyric knows now. You got your wish.”
“I didn’t want her to find out this way any more than you did.” I try to keep the anger his words incite inside of me at bay.
“I know that.” His expression softens. “I just mean... You got what you wanted.”
“Did I?” I hitch a brow at him.
