Page 42 of Play With Me
It feels so good to have her touch me, I have to work hard to focus on her words. But she’s talking about Cap. My son. The only other person in the world I care about besides the woman in front of me.
“What did he say?”
She swallows, the length of her pale throat bobbing. I can’t look away.
“He told me he still wanted a mom.”
I freeze, my chest seizing. “What?” I’d thought he’d moved past this.
“He told me he couldn’t tell you because you’d get upset with him.”
My already tight heart feels like a knife has gone through it. My own son couldn’t tell me what was still burning in his little heart.
The world seems to close in on me. I pull my hand from hers. Then I drink my wine too fast. I’m going to be shit-faced at this rate. But it’s the only thing keeping me from spinning out of control.
“He tells me everything.”
What was it that therapist told me years ago when I was a dad and Farrah left?
Disbelief is the first stage of acceptance.
I grip my fingers tight around the glass.
“He didn’t tell you that,” Nora says softly. “He was worried about you.”
“He was six when he told you that!” Almost seven. But still, so young. And protecting my feelings.
“He’s smart.”
I scoff, draining the wine.At least one of us is.
Nora takes the glass away from me. “Jude, do you get it now? I couldn’t stay. How could I, when I was the one thing standing in the way of Cap having a mom?”
“Cap has a mom!” I say, the words coming out harder than I meant them to.
“Who you can’t stand to be around.”
“I’m trying! We’re going on this trip, aren’t we?”
Nora nods. “Yes. But that’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it. I know you have so much love to give, and I know you could be happy with someone if you just gave it a try. You just have to show them the real you.”
I grip my hand into a fist and lean my head down. “What, the good-time guy who sometimes gets real dark? Nobody wants that.”
A long beat stretches out where all I can hear is thumping music and people shrieking with laughter out in the living room. There are people out in the hallway just outside the door, too.
Her eyes are so big behind those glasses, her green irises as dark as her velvet top. She blinks. “Someone might, Jude.”
My eyes go to the pulse at her throat, the delicate line of her collarbone.
“Like who, Nora?” I can’t help asking. Curiosity, that’s all.
Her cheeks flush.
My cock stiffens. I flirt, sure. But not with Nora. And I never take it this far. Nora deserves the world. Not a mess like me.
“Anyone, Jude.” Nora looks down, swinging her camera from her hip around to her front.
But that dark part of me can’t let it go. I could probably cross the line with her. I bet there’s a 50/50 chance she’d say yes.
