Page 24 of Play With Me
“But you always tell me not to do that!” Cap admonishes, lifting his head up for a moment before dropping it again.
“I know. I should listen to myself more, huh?”
“Grandpa said you always used to do that when you were a kid.”
“Oh yeah? What else did he say?”
“He said you were the troublemaker in the family.”
“Oh really?”
“You weren’t?”
I turn my face to the side so he can see me wink. “I never said that.” I jostle him so he giggles. It’s good to be distracted from Nora for a moment.
“Let’s see…back then Aunty Cass and Uncle Eli were the boring know-it-alls; Uncle Griffin was like, a mysterious genius who would take stuff apart in his room and disappear for long stretches. And Aunty Chelsea, the only one younger than me, was quiet and liked to draw. They were all smart and good in school where I couldn’t focus to save my as—butt. So someone needed to make things fun, right?”
“Yeah,” Cap sighs against my back. He’s quiet a moment as I continue up the stairs after Nora. Once more I think he might be falling asleep, until he says, “But Dad, you’re smart, too.”
My heart squeezes. Still, I almost laugh, given what a stupid idea this trip has been. Cap’s being kind. Kinder than I deserve. Luckily, whatever brilliance gene my siblings got, I’d manage to pass on to Cap. Even though getting a young girl pregnant was the stupidest thing I’d ever done, it had given me Cap. And being Cap’s dad was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
“Thanks, buddy,” I say softly.
A beat passes before Cap says, “Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Is that why you don’t have a girlfriend? Because you have to be smart to have one, right?”
My stomach twists hard. This little psychoanalyst has me nailed. Sort of. I don’t have a girlfriend because I want to be the best at being Cap’s dad. Just like I wanted to be the best at tennis. It was the only way to keep my eye on the prize. I’m not the kind of guy who can do both and not fuck everything up.
“Yeah, Cap,” I say, because it’s easier that way, and because he’s kind of right. “I guess that’s why.”
Nora pauses halfway up the next flight of stairs as I round the corner onto the landing.
Our eyes meet, and a spark goes through me. Until I remember she can’t see me.
Has she heard? She’s the only other one who knows Jude Kelly has insecurities.
“You okay?” I ask.
She nods, then turns around again. “Just making sure you’re still there,” she says softly.
Her words are the first bit of olive branch she’s handed me since the library. But I can’t tell with her back to me whether she’s still mostly upset.
What I can tell is that this aspect gives me a bit of a too-good view of her backside.
I shouldn’t be looking at her backside, but everything else has gone to shit so might as well enjoy the view. I’d forgotten about how attractive it was. Heart-shaped and round, the perfect size for wrapping hands around…
That’s been a weird side effect of Nora being gone. I’ve started feeling inappropriate things when I think of her. Things I could easily brush aside back when she was around or write off as hormones.
Now, when our emotions are so high…it’s weird, but it’s like those wrong feelings have been amplified too.
God, do I want to fuck her?
I curse myself for even having that thought, especially with my son literally in my arms.
Luckily, my inappropriate thoughts about my best friend—maybe ex-best friend, I think, slightly panicky—are interrupted by a door bursting open on a floor above, followed by a clattering of heels.
