Page 20 of Play With Me
But she hadn’t been able to trust me with this.
I’d thought I’d gotten all the anger out. I kept reminding myself I’d behaved like a dick when she told me she was leaving, and that had to cancel out her not telling me sooner. But feelings didn’t just disappear because I wanted them to.
But my words fail me. I’m good at running my mouth off, except when things really matter.
“We’re here to see you,” I say finally. “Cap misses you.”
She pulls her lips tight. “I miss him too.”
I have to bite my cheek to keep from blurting outBut what about me, Nora? Did you miss me? Because I’ve missed you like I’ve lost a fucking limb.
I will my feelings to calm down. “I thought if I told you ahead of time, you might say no. Like you were too busy.”
She starts moving again. We have to hold hands so she doesn’t fall, but I feel like she’d rather put several feet between us. And that fucking stings.
“You didn’t come all this way just to visit me.” We move toward the open room. Cap’s standing on the other side of the seating area with his hands on his hips, looking up at the bewildered librarian, who looks like he’d rather be in Bermuda.
“Farrah just moved to London. So, you know, two birds.”
Nora’s hand stiffens in mine once more.
That was an asshole thing to say. But the truth—that I’d travel the world a hundred times just to spend a moment with her again; that she’s the only person who sees me and she left, and I’m a wreck without her—is too pathetic.
“Well, that’s great,” she says. “I’m glad you’re making it work with Farrah.”
I jerk us to a stop. “There’s nothing to make work, Nora. It’s not like that.”
I don’t know why I’m so adamant about her knowing that. But it’s complicated. If she wasn’t Cap’s mom, I’d arrange it so I never had to hear her name again, let alone see her. Getting to know Cap’s mom again through calls and texts had been so awkward. At first, I’d still been so pissed. Then, when she visited, she asked if I wanted to be a family again. It was weird as hell, and I’d told her no, straight out. That part hadn’t been hard. I didn’t have an ounce of feelings for her. And honestly? I didn’t think she really did for me, either. Mostly, she wanted to be a part of Cap’s life. Which I couldn’t exactly ignore. I wouldn’t do that to either of them, as much as it pained me.
“It just worked out with you being here too,” I say.
We’ve reached the table with her stuff on it. I get her coat on her, carefully pulling her hair out from its back.
Because she hasn’t said anything, I say, “You were right, you know. About her parents.”
“Oh yeah?”
“They convinced her that being a mom would ruin her life. They made her sign that modeling contract in Tokyo right after Cap was born.”
“So, she didn’t actually want to leave you guys?” Her voice sounded weirdly tight.
“Well, she didn’t exactly put up a fight. She was an adult. Sort of. She had a choice to leave her son and she took it.
I’d finished stuffing her books in her bag and gripped it in my hand.
I missed the way her eyes were always amplified behind those bug-eye lenses, so I felt like I always knew what she was thinking. Now, I couldn’t tell.
“Do you think there’s a chance she might move to Quince Valley?” Her voice is almost timid.
“I fucking hope not.”
Several eyes turn our way.
I ignore them. I’m used to eyes on me. But Nora’s lips have pulled tight. “What does Cap want?”
I glance toward my son, still in a heated discussion with the librarian. “He wants to spend time with her. But only because she asked him to,” I add quickly. “She invited him to come on his own, to take a trip with her.” I laugh with no humor. “I don’t think she knows how kids work. Or parents. Like hell I’d let that happen.”
“So you’re going with them.” She always did put things together faster than I ever would have.
