Page 134 of Play With Me
I thought about how I’d planned on cutting back on my calls with Cap back before the trip. I knew in my heart I could never do that now. I wasn’t standing in the way of Jude moving on and finding a family by breaking Cap’s and my heart too. “I won’t be ending my relationship with Cap,” I said. “Not so long as he’ll have me.”
Farrah smiled. “Cap will be so happy. And also…Jude istrès stupide.”
I laughed, despite the pain of thinking of him. I hadn’t let that wound crack open yet though, so I clapped my hand over my mouth. Otherwise, I might fall apart right there in the cafe.
“He will change his mind,” she said, with such assurance the deeply pathetic part of me rose up in hope for half a second before shattering.
“No,” I said. “I don’t think he will.”
Now, I thank the bartender as he hands me my second pint of Guinness.
“I’m fine,” I say to Christian.
He looks at me skeptically, like he knows I’m not telling him everything, even though I just did.
I take a big swig of my beer. I’ve grown to like the bitter stout that made me purse my lips when I first got here. Not that I drink it all that much.
“Really?” Christian asks.
“Really!” I insist. “I think.”
Christian’s on the stool next to me, his knees sticking out sideways. He looks every bit the handsome pilot, even though he’s in jeans and a sweater. His dark hair is neatly trimmed, his gray eyes examining mine, and his broad hands are wrapped around his own Guinness. “Nora, I have to say I’m totally impressed with how you handled all of this, even though I never want you to mention you having you-know-what ever to me again.”
I laugh, then sober. “I don’t know if I really handled it all that well. I mean, I’m proud of myself for how I left it. I know”—I swallow—“I deserve more than just being stuck on the side, hopelessly in love.”
All around us the bar is filled with people laughing and talking loudly. The night outside is glittery and wet with traffic and resellers, even though New Year’s isn’t for a few days yet.
Christian considers me for a moment. “Did he lead you on?”
I smiled at his big brother protectiveness. But shook my head. “No. He was always clear about his stance on relationships.”
“Then you did a brave thing in walking out.”
I smile, feeling if not still terribly sad, so glad he told me that. “I think I’ve come a long way since we were kids. I was too scared to even stick my hand up in class half the time.”
“Even though you always knew the answer.”
I smile. “Not always.”
“You’re selling yourself short, you know,” Christian says after a moment.
“How?”
“You think you were always a scaredy-cat. You were about little things.”
“Like climbing trees on a stack of chairs.”
“Yeah, not my brightest moment.” He grins. “But I’m talking about the big things.” Christian turns serious. “I’ve never forgiven myself for lending you my car that night, you know.”
My stomach twists. He’s talking about the night I borrowed his car to go see a movie with my best friend Callie, back when we lived in North Carolina. “That wasn’t your fault,” I say softly.
“Of course it was. I was an idiot kid. I didn’t think about the risks.”
The car had broken down on the side of a lonely road, and we’d been stranded in the pitch black. Two guys had come along in a truck had found us, two helpless teenage girls on a lonely road. They were making their intentions known before another person happened to come by. The person happened to be the guy Callie would end up dating and later marrying, which was a happy ending for them. But it had been traumatizing. I’d had nightmares for months afterward.
I hadn’t thought about it for years now though. “It’s not your fault, Chris. Besides, I’ve had a good amount of therapy.” I smile, though Chris doesn’t return it.
Christian shifts on his stool. “Dad and I wanted to go on a witch-hunt for those guys. Remember?”
