Page 92 of Level With Me
I clamped my jaw tight, afraid I’d cry out, then. I stared at the photograph. Perfect. The boy—there was nothing wrong with him. How could there be?
“You loved his laugh too, Brian. Do you remember?”
How could she still be so kind when she thought she was talking to him? How did she not have that burning anger in her chest like I did? The one that fueled every decision and tainted every joy?
“Delilah,” I said. “Why aren’t you angry with me? Do you remember what I did to you?”
He cheated. Cheated and lied and made his boys grow up with a version of love that harmed.
“I hurt you.”
“I forgave you a long time ago, Brian.” Mom said. Her eyes were on mine.
“How could you forgive me after what I did?”
She smiled. “Forgiveness isn’t for you, darling. It’s for me. Sometimes you did what you thought was right. Sometimes you just did the things you couldn’t stand about yourself. It wasn’t right, but I let go of it a long time ago. I forgive you for what you did to me because it freesme.”
For a moment, the world seems to spin and reel. Or maybe that was me.
I kneeled beside my mom, picking up her hand and pressing it to my cheek. “I love you.”
She nodded and smiled. Then she looked out the window, contemplative. When she looked back, her eyes went wide. She pulled her hand away as if embarrassed. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “But I’m not sure who you are?”
It was gone, that moment with Dad. But it was lodged in my chest—not like something bad, but like something that could be good, if I let it.
I swallowed against that pricking again. “I’m Blake,” I said.
“Are you okay, Blake?”
I shook my head. “I’m afraid I’ve messed up.”
“How’s that?”
“I love someone. I’minlove with someone. And I don’t…” I hesitated. “I don’t know how to love them. I’m afraid I’ll mess it all up. I think I already have.”
Mom beamed then, her smile going ear-to-ear. “Well, that’s easy! It’s all in here.” She patted the book on her lap.
The romance novels. I laughed then, thinking of the movies Cassandra had talked about.
“Thank you,” I said. “I have to go now. There are some things I need to do. But I’m going to come back soon, if that’s okay?”
Mom nodded, her expression confused. But she smiled.
“Goodbye,” she said, turning back to her book and opening it to the first page.
That’s what I needed to do, too.
I pulled up my phone and ordered a car to get me back to the airport. Then I sent an email to John at Persephone.
BLAKE:Got a bit delayed. Be there tomorrow with bells on.
Next, I sent a text to Lila.
BLAKE:I’ll be back in New York next week. We need to talk.
Though I hadn’t expected her to, it was only a moment later when she responded.
LILA:I was going to write you the same thing. I think it might be 15 years overdue.
