Page 80 of Level With Me
Blake’s face looked physically pained. I couldn’t look at him. I turned and looked down the hall, but his presence seared my back with heat. I remembered that night on the other side of the hotel, when I’d brought him up to that empty room. I hadn’t needed to check that he was behind me—I could feel him.
For a moment we were quiet, the only sounds the muffled lobby noises and the rush of blood in my ears. Hot tears filled my eyes.
“Cassandra.” Blake’s voice was strained. “You know it has to be this way.”
“Of course I know!” I cried, turning back to him. My voice echoed down the hall around us and I swallowed, embarrassed. I knew because I’d made sure of it.
Blake had pulled his mouth into a straight line and he stuffed his hands under his arms. “It’s not like this makes me happy.”
I laughed at this, a dull, dry laugh that didn’t feel funny. “I don’t think you know what makes you happy.”
Blake said nothing for a moment, just looked at my face with the quickest flash of infinite sorrow. Then he nodded. “You’re probably right.”
My mind screamed at him.Stay. Stay and we’ll figure it out.But I couldn’t say it. I’d already made my decision, and so had he. Anything else would just mess things up worse than they already were.
“Cass, I have to tell you something.”
But I shook my head. “Is it that you care about me, Blake? That you have feelings for me?”
He opened his mouth and then closed it again. My chest felt heavy. “Then it doesn’t matter. Don’t you see? You’re leaving. Anything else we share with each other is just going to make things harder.” I took a breath. “Why don’t we spend the last of our time together not pontificating, or fighting, but just… enjoying the good parts?”
I tried a smile then, as if I could force myself into enjoying this.
He wasn’t smiling. “There’s just one—”
“No, I—”
“Goddammit Cassandra, will you let me finish?”
I clamped my mouth shut.
“I’m leaving tomorrow morning, okay? I’m catching a plane to London.”
I gaped. “London, England?”
“Yes. We have a client there who’s getting cold feet. We thought it would be better if we nipped things in the bud. Brynn’s going to step in and assist Lila with the final portion of the review.”
He must have seen that my jaw was still hanging open, because he said, “I’ll reduce our fees for the final two weeks, of course.”
“You think that’s what I care about?” I said.
“No. But it’s only fair.”
I took a breath. I didn’t care about the fees I’d be billed for later. I didn’t care about anything at all, except the fact that this was probably the last time I’d ever see Blake.
The tears came back then, and when I blinked, they didn’t go away. They spilled over, running down my cheeks.
Blake didn’t hesitate. He just pulled me to him, wrapping me in his arms. I sobbed then, hitting my fist against his chest just once, where his heart was. We stood there, Blake holding me, stroking my hair, whispering words in my ear to if not soothe my tattered heart, to patch it up for this one, final night.
Eventually, my tears died down. I pulled back, wiping at my face with the heels of my hands, embarrassed. I couldn’t look at Blake. But I knew I didn’t want to spend the day weeping, or like I said before, bemoaning our situation or fighting. I wanted to make the most of it. “Is there anything you have to do tonight?” I asked.
“No, I’m mostly packed.”
I don’t know why that stung, but I nodded. “Okay. Well, what do you say we go out on a date?”
Blake grinned and I couldn’t help it, I brought my finger up and pressed it to his dimple, over the bristle of hair there. “It sounds perfect,” he said, his voice going thick with emotion. Then his smile dropped, his eyes on mine, and he pulled me back in. “But can we kiss now?”
“We can do all the things now,” I whispered.All the things for the last time.
