Page 78 of Level With Me
I swallowed that lump down again.
“He thought it was important I honor my parents,” I said. “He was going to suggest scrapping the modern proposal altogether.”
I paused. “But I asked him to keep it.”
Lila looked surprised. “I thought he’d convincedyouto keep it. He loves the avant-garde modern stuff.”
“Right. But the thing is, I told him I knew my parents would be happy with whatever the five of us kids wanted to do together. Yes, they had their own preferences—my dad lives and breathes the history, and would probably be devastated if we erased every last trace of it. But I know he wouldn’t disown me even if I tore the place right down and opened a… shopping mall.” I held up a hand. “Actually, Dad would blow his top if that happened, but he’d forgive me. At a certain point, love is more important than any dogged attachment to the past, or to what someone else thinks is right, you know?”
Lila was nodding, but blinking rapidly, like she was trying to hold back tears.
“But I’m not naïve. I know not everyone can just get over stuff that’s important to them, no matter how wrong it is. I know I’m lucky I had that. If my situation had been different—if I’d had a secret or something that would actually affect our relationship—I honestly don’t know if I’d tell them. Not to save them the hurt, but… because sometimes you have to make those hard decisions. And you only get one set of parents.”
The next part was the hardest, but it had to be said. “But no matter what, you have Blake. He told me…”
He told me a lot of things, things that hurt, but things that made me proud to know him.
“He told me he would never let you down. And I believe him. Blake cares about you without condition. I was with someone who didn’t, and I know the difference.”
Now my eyes were wet. “I’m sorry,” I said. “This isn’t about me.”
“Love is hard, isn’t it, Cassandra?”
“It’s hard, but it’s everything. And even if we don’t get the kind of unconditional love we want, just know we deserve it. We’re worthy whether we get it or not.”
Lila looked away then, and I knew she was crying too. But she briskly brushed the tears away and stood up.
“Cassandra,” she said. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
My heart felt as if it had stopped. She knew. Or was she guessing and my response would confirm it either way?
I swallowed, but she only smiled, her eyes going wet once more.
“He gets this look when you’re not around, too. When we just mention your name. It’s like… it’s like he’s truly happy, where he never was quite before. We like you too, Cassandra. Me and Brynn. You made this work feel… worthwhile. So, thank you.”
Before I could react, Lila said a mumbled goodbye, and when the door clicked shut behind her, I let out the sob that had been lodged in my chest.
I knew I’d sealed my fate with Blake. He already told me he never saw himself being with anyone, but this stubborn part of me had known he could change that if he really wanted to. But now I snuffed out my last selfish hope for that.
Blake wasn’t mine to keep. Even though my heart was ripped straight through, I knew it was the right thing to do.
I’d have to be okay with losing him.
18
CASSANDRA
After Lila leftthe room on Thursday, I’d picked myself up and gone about my day, checking in with all my departments and answering calls and emails I’d been putting off while I’d been with Blake.
And while my heart felt heavy, my shoulders felt lighter.
I realized I’d been hanging onto preemptive guilt. I’d known what Blake and I had could devastate Lila, and I couldn’t in good conscience do that to another person. I felt liberated. Heartbroken, but liberated.
It stung that Blake hadn’t even so much as texted since last week, but I shrugged it off. It didn’t matter. I’d see him next week for the final part of the review, and that would be that.
I was fine.
Completely fine.
