Page 100 of Level With Me
When she told me we’d been sitting at our kitchen table in New York together, boxes of my stuff piled around us. I’d been putting everything into storage until I figured out what was going on between me and Cass. Brynn had sat next to her, holding her hand while she sobbed.
“Even with this much pain,” Lila had said when she calmed down enough to take a breath, “It still feels better than holding onto the lie.”
I’d nodded. Lies like that were poisonous, whether you told them to someone else, or to yourself. They fester.
“But that’s not the worst thing, Blake,” Lila had said, after a moment. She’d looked like she was on the edge of breaking into a renewed set of sobs. “The worst part is that I know I ruined your life, too, and for that I’m so, so sorry.”
“What did you tell her?” Cassandra had asked on the beach, and for a moment, the memories blurred in my mind. The rush of water and soft titter of birdsong as we lay in the sand that day—the freeing sense of love I felt for Cassandra so strong I had to remember to breathe—and that moment in the kitchen, the table cold under my hands, clock ticking in the silence and pain radiating off my old friend.
I’d held onto the sand, focusing on the warmth of the sun and sparkle of the water. On the woman in my arms. “I told her it had been my choice,” I said. “That all those years, as long as we lived our lie, I could feel good about protecting one person from pain. It felt like something useful amid all that hurt.”
I’d told Cassandra everything on that beach, stroking her hair as she lay across my chest. Every raw, painful truth I’d figured out over those months we were apart. The hardest one had been what I’d known all along but hadn’t been able to articulate, and my heartbeat had ratcheted up as I spoke it. “But Cass, I also told her I never would have agreed to our arrangement if I’d felt like I deserved to be in love with someone. I never did. Not until now.”
Cass’s eyes had been glassy with tears when she’d looked up at me. “You’re a good man, Blake Harrington. I’m sorry you ever had to think that wasn’t true.”
Later, I’d answered all her questions about the technical aspects of how we’d split the company. “I’m going to be Harrington Consulting, and Lila and I are splitting the clients who didn’t want to jump ship to Goldman.” There were quite a few, as it turned out. He’d tried poaching several of them the minute he heard we were splitting, and a lot of them didn’t take it well.Like soliciting business at a funeral, one had called it. I wouldn’t go quite that far. But either way, I took most of the clients who didn’t care that I was moving to a remote model of business. One that had me headquartered in Quince Valley, Vermont.
“I hope she’s happy,” Cassandra said. “After all of it.”
When I’d left the house, Lila and I had hugged for a long time, unable to speak for a moment as we were both so choked up. But then she’d cleared her throat, and she’d said something similar to me.
I hope you know true happiness, Blake. I’ve never known anyone to deserve it more.
Happy wasn’t big enough for what I felt, I thought now. I was on cloud goddamned nine.
Just then, there was a crack of a bat connecting with a ball once again, and this time we both turned, looking at the game. Quince Valley had gone up to bat, and Seamus Reilly had just hit a ball deep into the outfield.
“Damn, way to go Seamus,” I said.
“He’s pretty good, huh?” Chelsea said. She’d lowered her phone.
We both looked over at her.
“What?” She picked her phone up again, defensively. “He is!”
Seamus was one of the team’s best players, by the looks of it. But something told me she wasn’t interested in his skills on the field. Cass told me yesterday that she’d broken up with her new boyfriend just the other day, and the progress she’d been making at straightening out her life had already started slipping.
“Are youinterestedin Seamus?” Cassandra asked her sister.
“No!” Chelsea said, gripping her phone hard, not looking at Cassandra.
Cass threw me a look.
“Eli would freak out,” Cass said to her. “No, he’d knock Seamus out first. Then he’d freak out on you.”
“He’s just good at baseball,” Chelsea said. “Anyway, where’s Jude with that water?” She didn’t wait for us to answer. “Never mind. I’m going to get it myself.” She stood up and slipped through the crowd on her other side.
“Did you see that?” Cass asked me. “She’s into Seamus, right?”
I shrugged. “I guess. She was definitely giving him a look.”
Cass looked up at me. “What look?”
I met Cass’s eyes, and just like that, I forgot all about her siblings and the game. Even the sounds of the field faded away.
I smiled at Cassandra, warmth shooting through me. “This one,” I said. Then I reached my hand up to her face and kissed her, brushing my lips against the soft plushness of hers, my tongue flicking inside. An innocent kiss, yet still my body responded, everything stiffening. Tensing. Needing.
I was a live wire around this woman.
