Page 42 of His Build
If ever they had a full workday together, they used the lunch hour to catch up. Sometimes work stuff, sometimes life. So it wasn’t out of the ordinary for Chris to get right to the point. But it still made Graydon wished he’d taken off for a run or something to clear his head.
And avoid talking about what was really going on.
Graydon sighed. “Is it that obvious?”
“You don’t talk about her at all,” Chris said. “It’s conspicuous.”
Graydon took a bite of his ham sandwich and a swig of iced tea from his thermos. “When I try not to talk about her, you know something’s up. But if I do talk about her, you’d still know something was up.”
“You’re really into her, aren’t you?”
Graydon shrugged. “I guess I kind of like her.”
Chris lifted an eyebrow as he dug into his lunch. “Kind of? I know you don’t exactly share the ins and outs of your love life with me, but I’ve never seen you do more than glance at an attractive woman passing on the street.”
Graydon wondered why he’d even got into this with Chris. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his feelings. He took another bite of his sandwich. But when he glanced at his friend, he saw Chris had a tightness to his shoulders. He looked like he knew exactly what was going on. Like this state of mind was familiar to him.
Probably because it was. He’d been a good employee that first summer he worked for Graydon, but he kept his head down and barely talked until he came back after his big solo backpacking trip the next year. That go-around, his mood was improved, but he still didn’t talk much about his personal situation. After a few beers at one of Grayscale’s job-end barbecues that summer though, Chris had let slip that he’d been left at the alter by his high school sweetheart.
Talk about humiliating heartbreak.
Graydon put his sandwich down. “Fuck it. The truth is, I’m… extremely into her. And it scares the hell out of me.”
“No shit,” Chris said.
Graydon grimaced. “I don’t know how it happened. I don’t let these kinds of… feelings go anywhere normally.
“Yeah, the last I saw you were very occasionally giving Shelby Baker the time of day…”
“More like she was givingmethe time of day. Shelby’s a grown woman—I’m know I’m not the only G in her contact list.”
Chris laughed.
It was true, Shelby and him were a very occasional, mutually beneficial relationship. Who he knew, right in that moment, he would never fool around with again. Not since Lucy had changed the playing field.
Graydon picked up his sandwich again but held it in his hand without taking a bite. “There’s just something about Lucy. She’s smart, and funny, and makes me want to fucking melt when I’m anywhere near her. She knows what she wants… and it’s not me. At least, not more than just a… fling. That’s what we agreed to. It should be perfect. It’s always been what I wanted.”
He paused. “But I don’t want that with Lucy.”
He hadn’t actually articulated the thought before. It felt terrifying to say it. But hell, it was true.
“So what are you going to do about it?” Chris asked.
“I don’t know, to be honest. I don’t really have a choice, I guess. We talked about it a little and we both agreed—no fireworks.”
“No fireworks?”
“No big relationship. No—you know—romance. Plus, she’s going back to the city in a few weeks. So even if I could convince her that I wanted more of a… long-term fling—”
Chris choked on his food. “Graydon…”
“What?”
“I think they call that ‘a relationship’.”
Graydon scowled, but his stomach twisted. Was that what he wanted? A relationship? “No, that’s not—I don’t do relationships, okay? Anyway, she’s going home. And it’s too late. I dove in too hard, and now she’s… hiding, or something.”Graydon thought about how he’d broken down on the deck with her and his whole body cringed with embarrassment. Why had he done that? Why couldn’t he have kept things light?
She wouldn’t let you.
